


Somewhere Safe for Us

by skittleluvr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Neglectful John Winchester, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Smut, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-06-05 09:52:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15168101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittleluvr/pseuds/skittleluvr
Summary: Dean Winchester wants nothing more than for the chaos in his mind to calm, if even for a second. Only one self destructive thing brings him relief from his anxiety, until a certain dark haired, blue eyed boy moves into the small, secluded town of Hali Coast.Rated mature for sexual content and self harm, check tags for further content warnings





	1. Suffocating

Cold water rushes around Dean’s ankles as he walks along the shoreline. The sky is a gloomy light grey with mist hanging in the chilly morning air. Dean is supposed be to be in homeroom right now but a day like this is perfect. It’s just cold enough to deter joggers or dog walkers from walking along the beach, but not so cold that the water is unpleasant to walk in. Most days are like that actually, but Dean convinces himself otherwise to justify ditching.

The breeze picks up and Dean shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Maybe it is a little too cold out. Dean doesn’t really mind. It’s refreshing to be out in the open, no longer constantly surrounded. Oregon has been his home for three and a half years, but he still hasn’t gotten used to the way it seems to suffocate him.

Dean doesn’t particularly like Oregon. He’d even go so far as to say that he hates it. He hates the way the mountains and trees and coast all feel so confining. He hates the way the seemingly constant fog clings to him and weighs him down. He despises the way his small town manages to dig out most of his secrets, as if eyes are constantly on him. The empty beach was the only escape that this place had to offer. He found himself spending more time at the beach than at home.

Home isn’t much easier. He lives with his Uncle Bobby and his younger brother Sam in a small, one story, two bedroom house. His bedroom is cramped. Two twin beds and a small desk occupy almost all the space available, leaving just a small L-shaped walkway leading to the closet. If he really reaches, he can touch his brothers bed while laying in his own. The living room and kitchen don’t offer much space either, and the bathroom he shares with his brother doubles as the laundry room.

Usually the only time he has alone is the twenty minute gap between when he gets home from school and when Sammy is dropped off by the bus. That and on days when Dean decides to ditch.

Dean tries not to listen to his thoughts too much, instead looking at the sandy shore in front of him. His eyes search for little drops of color in the rocky sand, hoping to find a piece or two of sea glass. Sam loved to collect it. Searching the beaches for it was one of the things Sam did the most when he wasn’t reading and doing homework. It seemed almost every day Sam was begging Dean to take him to the Coast to look.

As Dean continues to walk he notices a small piece of dark green sea glass. It's as thick as his pinky and half as long, with an even frost; jewelry grade. A pretty rare find, especially in the more fine sand that covers this part of the coast. Dean hates himself for even knowing that, but as Sam’s collection and knowledge grew, Dean’s inevitably did too. He reaches down and picks it up, rubbing his thumb across the smoothed edges as he continues walking. He looks out to the water, satisfied with what the ground had given up. The water is mostly grey and foamy, fierce waves roaring further from the shoreline. Dean enjoyed watching waves form, break, then slowly dissipate as they reached his feet. As the waves recede he loses his footing a bit and falls forward onto his hands and knees. He gets up quickly, just the knees of his jeans getting damp and sandy. As he recovers from the fall he notices that the sleeve of his right arm has a few crimson dots slowly growing.

Dean rolls his sleeve up to see that the force of catching his fall with his hands had caused some of his cuts from last night to start bleeding again. Not very much, but just enough to soak through the fabric of his shirt. He sighs and rolls his sleeve back down. He didn't like looking at them for very long. They made him feel like a freak. It's not normal to get so angry or anxious that you lash out by cutting your forearm.

He hated how suddenly the habit had grown, but it had become such a comfort to him that he couldn’t stop. It started when his Dad lost custody of him and Sam. Dean was only twelve. His Uncle Bobby had found out that Sam and Dean were spending Christmas alone and hadn’t seen their dad in about a week. He filed for emergency custody and was granted it. Dean’s dad never fought it and when the case was reviewed a few weeks later, Bobby Singer got sole custody of Sam and Dean.

When Dean heard this news he was pissed at how easily his dad had just given them up, like he didn’t even care about them anymore. He ran off to the bathroom and punched the bathroom mirror in his fit of rage, shattering it and cutting his knuckles in the process. Dean found that he liked it. The sting of the cuts and look of the blood. It calmed him down.

Before cleaning up the broken glass, Dean had pocketed one of the pieces. His intention wasn't to use it to harm himself, at least he wasn’t actively thinking about using it to hurt himself. Somewhere in the back of his head, the need to hurt himself planted like a seed, slowly growing. The piece of glass went unnoticed in the bottom of one of his drawers for about a year, until Bobby moved them to Oregon.

Bobby wasn't particularly poor, but feeding two adolescent boys with pits for stomachs had started to strain finances. When Bobby got a job opportunity that offered a considerable raise as well as a relocation to Oregon, Bobby accepted. Dean didn't have a whole lot to leave behind in Lawrence, except for his childhood home. Even if he didn't live there anymore, the thought of being about two thousand miles from the house where all his memories of his mother were was devastating to Dean.

When he started packing up his stuff he discovered the long forgotten piece of glass. He had cautiously touched the glass to the middle of his forearm. After pushing down ever so slightly he pulled it across his arm. It stung a little and after a few moments several small beads of blood started to form.

Over the next three years the habit of self harm had escalated to the point where if he wore short sleeves he'd be admitted into the nearest hospital for a psych evaluation.

Dean shudders at the thought, tugging at the edges of his sleeves a little, just to be sure the chaos on his arm was covered. Even though Dean is entirely alone on the beach, it doesn't hurt to maintain the habits. Secrets don't stay secret for very long. Within a week at his new school, pretty much everyone had found out about how Sam and Dean had moved to Oregon from Kansas after their absent father lost custody of them. They’d even learned that Dean’s mother, Mary, had been killed in a fire caused by a gas leak.

The breeze blowing around Dean grows into a constant, icy wind. It starts to bite at Dean's cheeks. Dean decides that the cold is too much to continue to endure and makes his way back to his Impala, waiting patiently on the dirt road that takes him from beach to dense forest. Dean grabs a towel from the glove box and wipes the sand, gravel and water off of his feet before putting his shoes back on and starting the engine.

It takes only a few minutes of winding through trees to get back to Hali Coast, and Dean decides to drive to the diner and give up entirely on school for the day. The diner is located atop a small hill that offers a welcome break from the constant forest. There's also an incredible view of the ocean. Dean looks out briefly, watching the waves crash into the beach.

Inside the diner Ellen is at the main counter stocking the register. At the sound of Dean entering she looks up and then sighs.

"Dean, aren't you supposed to be in class right now?" She asks, placing a hand on her hip. Dean just shrugs as he walks up to the counter, drumming his hands on the counter for a second before answering.

"Nah, I wasn't feeling up to it today," Dean admits. He knows it's a bullshit reason and that Ellen isn't going to have any of it.

"If I stayed home from work every time I didn't feel like going in, this diner wouldn't be running. Your education is important. Especially in Hali Coast. 'Job opportunity' is not a well known phrase here," Ellen scolds. She is about to continue her lecture when the doors open again. Dean turns his head to see a family of three walk in.

* * *

 

Cas feels a bit like a stereotypical angsty teen sitting in the car with his head against the window, earbuds in, and staring out at the trees with melancholy. The colors of the late autumn trees blur into a greenish orange color as they drive past them. It makes Castiel nervous, the way his dad is speeding. The road is constantly winding and with the thick wall of trees surrounding them, it's just an accident waiting to happen.

"We're about twenty minutes from Hali Coast. We'll find somewhere to eat for breakfast before meeting with the realtor who will give us the keys to the house," Cas's dad says from the front seat. Even through his music he can hear his older brother Gabriel sigh.

"Oh great, we'll go in for breakfast and meet the entire town in one go."

Gabriel wasn't particularly thrilled about the idea of moving from a city with almost three million people to a small town with a measly five thousand. Castiel wasn't looking forward to the adjustment either, although the quiet nature of the town would be a welcome change. Cas never really was fond of how overwhelming the city used to be.

"Five thousand isn't _that_ small," Cas tries to defend, pulling one of his earbuds from his ear and sitting up a little straighter. He can practically hear his brother roll his eyes as he scoffs.

"Our old high school had three thousand people, that’s over half the size of this town, if you can even call it that. Have you even tried looking Hali Coast up on a map? It has one diner in the whole town, one movie theatre, a handful of mom and pop shops, an Albertson's and one shopping center that vaguely resembles a mall. The only plentiful things there are trees, bars, and churches," he lists.

"One diner? I guess we'll stop by for breakfast," Cas's dad replies, completely brushing Gabriel's complaints away. Cas thinks about that for a moment. His brother makes a good point.

"Even if it is small, that just gives the town a better sense of community. I mean isn't that the whole pulling factor for small towns? Everyone knows each other and comes together," Cas tries to defend. He's not really sure why. Maybe just an attempt to prove his brother wrong, that not everything about Hali Coast is going to suck.

"That sounds like a total crock of shit if I ever heard one," Gabriel mutters under his breath, just loud enough that Cas can hear it. Fortunately their dad is more focused on the road than on their pointless debate.

"At the very least there's the coast. Did you look up how far Hali Coast is from the beach?" Cas inquires, looking back out toward the trees again. The road is winding around the side of the mountain on the edge of a cliff, revealing more of the dense forest, mist rising and hovering in different spots. Castiel only looks out the window for a moment before the reality of driving around the edge of a cliff makes him feel a little queasy.

"It's like fifteen minutes on bikes, forty walking. Doesn't matter, it's too freakin' cold to be out on the beaches this time of year," Gabriel answers. Cas decides to leave it at that.

When they get to the diner very creatively named _The Hali Coast Diner,_ Cas notices a black Impala that feels out of place. Everything in the town so far has such an old and run down feeling to it, but the Impala resting in the parking lot is pristine. When they walk through the doors, only two people can be seen. A boy who looks to be about Cas's age and an older woman. When she notices them she immediately walks over and seats them at one of the booths.

"You guys just passing through? It's a little late in the season for the beaches," the lady says as they situate themselves in the booth.

"No we're moving here," his dad answers in a bit of an annoyed tone.

"Well, welcome to the neighborhood then. I'm Ellen Harvelle, I run this diner," she introduces, handing them each a menu. Cas looks over it for a moment before settling on some hot chocolate. He doesn't feel very up to eating. Seeing the town has made him incredibly nervous for school tomorrow. They drove past pretty much everything on the way to the diner, and it wasn't reassuring.

The high school was tiny. He'd always heard people talking about how everyone knows everyone in a small town, but he'd assumed it was just a saying. High school was hard enough at his old school when it came out that he was gay, despite there being more than enough people for him to be insignificant. If the wrong person found out, everyone would know here.

Ellen comes back and hands everyone their drinks then returns to the counter and starts talking with the only other person in the restaurant, excluding whoever's working back in the kitchen. Cas thinks he hears the name Dean.

The teen who Castiel assumes is Dean has a bit of an apologetic look on his face. Cas wants to stare, because holy hell he is attractive, with his masculine jawline, soft eyes, and seemingly amazing physique.

_Yep, I'm definitely staring now._

Cas quickly looks back down to his mug of hot chocolate, taking a small sip. Out of the corner of his eye he can tell Gabriel is giving him a look, no doubt witnessing Cas practical drool over a stranger.

Cas listens to his dad talk about how he's excited for Hali Coast to become a fresh start for the three for a minute until his dad says they deserve a break after the situation that was forced onto them.

Cas checks out after that, slightly irritated with his dad's word choice. _Forced_ onto them. Maybe forced onto him and his brother, but his mom packing her bags and leaving in the middle of the day while the boys were at school and his dad was at work, his dad brought that on himself entirely. Maybe if he’d put his family first once in a while, maybe if he wasn’t a borderline alcoholic, maybe if he showed her proper affection, maybe she wouldn’t have run off to God knows where.

Cas doesn’t want to think about it anymore. His mom abandoning him was one of the hardest things he’d ever been through, right next to the accident and losing Anna.

* * *

 

When Dean gets to school, it seems like everyone is talking about the two new kids who moved here. It’s not surprising. They haven’t had new students in quite a few months, and with nothing else ever happening, it was some of the only things to talk about.

Dean thinks about what it was like when he first moved here. People would whisper about him like he wasn’t even there. They would gossip about every detail they found out.

_Freakin’ vultures._

Dean never cared for any of that. Who gives a shit if the new kids were loaded? Who cares if their mother isn’t around? It doesn’t matter.

Dean walks to his homeroom class, sitting next to Jo. The two were forced into friendship, in a sense. Ellen and Bobby were longtime friends. It seemed that at least two or three times a week Dean, Sam and Bobby were having dinner at the Harvelle’s, which made it inevitable for Dean and Jo to grow close. Sometimes Dean thinks he might even have a thing for her, but his cocky flirting attempts had always been shot down.

“Did you hear about the two new kids? Moved here yesterday,” Jo says as soon as Dean settles into his chair.

“Why does everyone care so much? Doesn’t sound like either of them are anything special,” Dean grumbles. Jo gives him a look and rolls her eyes.

“We care because there’s literally nothing else to talk about. The weather is grey, the water is cold, the beaches are sandy. This town is boring,” Jo argues. “Also, apparently they’re rich as hell. Bought this brand new house just a few minutes outside of town. You can actually see it from the diner, hiding in the trees. Makes you wonder what they’re hiding if they choose to be so excluded. And there are only like two other families living in houses as nice as theirs. Doesn’t seem like their mom is here with them. And their dad is a total douche. The moving truck with all their stuff was an hour late, and he was screaming at the movers about it for like twenty minutes.”

“Seriously _how_ do you know all that?” Dean asks incredulously. “Was someone just, like, stalking them yesterday?”

“Yep. It was me. I even hid in their closet last night and went through their diaries,” Jo sarcastically replies. Dean shakes his head and laughs.

“You know I wouldn’t be all that surprised if someone in this town did actually sneak into their house. Hell, if someone got caught snooping and the cops were called, the officer would probably ask what the intruder found instead of making an arrest,” Dean jokes. That makes Jo crack up, and the two fall in laughter together. They almost don’t notice the sudden silence of the class around them. Dean looks up to see the same kid he saw walking into the diner. Dean leans over slightly and whispers to Jo.

“I saw him yesterday. He, his brother and his dad came into the diner for breakfast. He seemed pretty distant. Wasn’t paying attention to anything his dad was saying. Just kept staring off.”

“You think maybe his mom died or something?” Jo asks, looking down at her notebook, trying not to make it obvious that they’re talking about him. The new student just stands awkwardly in the front of the room, visibly growing uncomfortable. Dean thinks he might bolt out of the classroom at any moment.

“Maybe. Or a divorce or something. Man, he looks like he’s about to pass out. I bet he’s not used to sticking out so much. Probably from a big city,” Dean starts to say, before cutting himself off. “Dammit, now I’m one of those assholes who can’t get their nose outta other people’s shit.”

Jo just rolls her eyes and is about to reply when the bell rings. Their teacher, Mr. Wesson, walks in a few moments after.

“Ah, you must be the new student, Castiel. I’m Mr. Wesson,” their teacher introduces, offering his hand out. Castiel takes it meekly. “We normally do work in pairs, so you can choose whichever group you want to work with.”

Cas just stands there, stammering a bit and looking around the room with uncertainty. Dean hears a few kids start to snicker before Jo chimes in.

“Hey, we’ll take him,” she calls out, offering Cas a smile. He seems grateful for the offer, and quickly walks over, pulling up a chair to Dean and Jo’s desks.

“Perfect. I won’t waste your time, so Dean, Jo, I trust you two will bring Castiel up to speed. The rest of you get busy. We only have today left to work on this,” Mr. Wesson instructs the class, before sitting at his desk and pulling out some papers to grade.

As the room starts to fill with voices, Jo starts to fill Castiel in on the project they’ve been working on.

“So, really we’re just answering a bunch of questions about _Frankenstein_ since we just got done reading it last class. Dean and I are already done, if you want to just add your name to our paper that’s fine,” Jo explains. Cas just nods his head awkwardly in response. “What’s your last name?”

“Novak,” Cas answers, spelling it out for her. Jo writes it at the top of the paper before turning it in.

* * *

 

 When Dean gets home, he’s surprised to see Bobby sitting on the couch, watching tv with a beer in his hand.

“You’re home early. Everything okay?” Dean asks as he takes a spot on the couch next to Bobby, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Was delimbing a tree this morning and managed to catch my arm on a jagged branch pretty hard. My boss insisted I go home for the day. Pretty weak reason to be sent home, but I guess I’ll take it,” Bobby explained.

“If he made you come home, maybe you should get it checked out. Could get infected or something.”

“I don’t need no damn doctor to put a bit of peroxide and bandages on my arm and charge me up the ass for it when I’m more than capable of doing it on my own,” Bobby replies gruffly. Dean looks at Bobby’s arm, which has a dish rag wrapped around it, held in place with a bit of duct tape.

“Capable of doing it your own my ass. Is that towel even clean?” Dean asks.

“Clean enough,” Bobby answers with a small huff.

Dean gets up from the couch and walks to the bathroom, to look under the cabinet for some gauze and rubbing alcohol. Of course, Dean knows exactly where they are. He comes back and gently tosses them at Bobby. Bobby rolls his eyes but accepts, removing the dish towel from his arm and revealing a sizeable gash in his forearm.

“Jesus, Bobby. You sure you don’t need stitches? That looks pretty deep.”

“It ain’t bleedin’ anymore, I’ll be fine. Quit pestering me about it, boy.”

Dean gives Bobby a look but complies, pursing his lips as he settles back down on the couch. Seeing Bobby’s arm is a little unsettling to Dean. Nothing Dean had ever done to himself had ever looked like that. In a super fucked up way, he’s a little jealous.

Dean scratches at his wrist a little, trying to settle the faint itch he has to go and self harm. It doesn’t work.

“I’m gonna go take a shower, didn’t have a chance to this morning,” Dean announces a little awkwardly, pushing himself up from the couch. After grabbing some clothes and his blade from the back of his sock drawer, he goes into the bathroom. Dean locks the door and then double checks that it’s actually locked before he turns on the water and starts undressing.

He frowns a bit at the sight of his cuts. The faint silver marks where old scars were healed and faded, the soft pink of new scars that had just finished healing and scarring, and ugly red scabs where cuts had only begun to learn to heal. He grabs his blade and steps into the shower, not wanting to deal with a mess. And then, Dean starts doing the only thing he thinks he is worth doing.


	2. Plaster and Paint

Cas opens his eyes and looks around, his heart skipping a beat as he remembers where he is. His new house. Everything is so unfamiliar. The smell of plaster and fresh paint almost burns his nose. His old house always smelled like cinnamon and apples, gingerbread, roses, or fresh linen depending on the season, at least a dozen matching candles placed around the house by his mom and Anna. Before the accident, Anna would always excitedly help place the candles around the house. She loved watching them burn, watching the wax slowly melt as the smell filled the room. It was familiar and predictable. Cas could always count on the whole house smelling different at each solstice, and he always knew exactly what it would smell like. It never smelt strongly of chemicals, which is exactly what his new room smells like. Cas hates it. He hates everything about it.

The carpet is different too. His old carpet was thick, beige and incredibly soft. This stuff was as white as snow and coarse. It feels foreign under his feet. Cas even hates the shape of his new room. It’s square and twice as big as his old room which was rectangular. A window seat is on the far wall, facing out to the ocean. It’s become the only part of his bedroom he doesn’t hate. Even the room’s bright white walls remind him that he is not home, he’s not where he should be.

His mattress and a few boxes are the only things covering the floor. It feels so empty, just like Cas is feeling at the moment. He should be with his mom, making breakfast together in their small kitchen, laughing as they make a mess and get flour and batter everywhere except for the griddle. Instead he gets to fill a new bedroom with new things.  
His dad wouldn’t let Cas or Gabriel forget that he was going to be buying everything new, like a pathetic attempt to remedy fucking everything up. He probably would have made them burn all their old things too, if he was even the slightest bit more unhinged from the divorce.

Maybe that wasn’t entirely fair of Castiel to think. His mom leaving couldn’t entirely be blamed on his dad. The accident had put an immense strain on the whole family, and it was what pushed his dad to start drinking in the first place.

Cas sighs as he gets out of bed. Most of their things were still waiting in the garage. Cas would try bringing some of his stuff to his room, but his absence of significant muscles or upper arm strength didn’t make it very easy. 

He did manage to bring up all his clothes, but he didn’t have a dresser to put them into so they’d been shoved into his closet. He’d also brought up most of his books after numerous trips up and down the stairs but they needed his bookshelf, and his computer was in several pieces in the corner, waiting to be assembled on a new desk that was supposed to be arriving soon. 

Cas looks through one of his boxes of clothes, managing to find a pair of jeans and an old grey sweater. He pulls them on before going downstairs where Gabriel is sitting at the bar that separates the kitchen and living room, eating some cereal.

“Where’s dad?” Cas asks.

"Think he went to the store, don’t really care,” Gabriel answers dryly. 

Cas goes to the cabinet and grabs a bowl then sits at one of the stools next to Gabriel, taking the box of cereal and gallon of milk from in front of Gabriel and pouring himself some. 

“Do you have any plans for today? Maybe we can go see what there is to do,” Cas suggests. Gabriel thinks it over for a second.

“Yeah why not? Beats staying here all day,” he responds.  
  
After wandering around the town for a little they walk through the forest not really expecting to find much, and end up at what appears to be an old abandoned playground, hidden away in a small clearing in the forest maybe four hundred yards from a well traveled hiking trail. They only noticed it because of the faintest wear in the foliage on the forest ground. Any enthusiastic hiker would likely trudge right on past it. 

“Okay, this is creepy as hell,” Gabe says when the start to approach the playground. There’s a metal roundabout in the center, surrounded by monkey bars, a jungle gym and a metal slide.

Most of it is rusted, and there’s no sign of paint ever peeling off, indicating that these are considerably old. 

“Why would this be out here? Surely there’s another building around here that would warrant a playground,” Cas reasons as he starts to scan through the trees. “There, there’s a little stone path, you almost can’t see it, the overgrowth almost completely shields it from view.”

Cas makes his way over to the path. It leads to what looks like an old schoolhouse.

“That’s even creepier,” Gabriel comments as he follows behind Cas.

The building is small and falling apart, the wood of the doors and walls starting to rot out. Cas doesn’t say anything as he pushes it. It’s stuck.

“Hundred bucks there’s a dead body in there,” Gabe jokes. Cas gives Gabriel a look. He was already feeling creeped out without his brother adding to it.

He stands next to Castiel and helps him push the door open. The inside isn’t as deteriorated, the walls and roof offering some protection to the interior from the elements. The floor seems to be mostly intact. In the center of the floor is the first sign that other people have been here recently, empty beer bottles and cans, and cigarette butts are scattered around the center of the floor.

Knowing that other people, likely teens, spend their time here makes it feel slightly less eerie.

“I guess in a town this small, this is one of the only things that qualifies as fun,” Cas speculates.

There’s lots of writing on the walls as well, some spray painted, some carved in, and some written with sharpies. Names and obscenities as well as the several obligatory penises that come with teenage graffiti fill the wood.

“Small town or not, it’s good to see teenage antics never change,” Gabriel comments sarcastically, gesturing to some of the cruder markings.

Cas walks closer to the wall, reading some of the things people have written. There are proclamations of love in the form of initials encircled by a heart, bits of gossip about guys who hit certain bases with different girls, and jabs at other kids who were disliked by the person writing the phrase.

_Dean Winchester is a fag_

That one sticks out to Cas the most. He had sat down next to Dean and his friend Jo his first day of class. They were both nice to him, the three made decent small talk, and Dean and Jo offered Cas a spot with them during lunch, at the front of the school on one of the bences. Dean was nice enough, he was a good guy. Cas isn’t sure what bothers him most about the writing on the wall. The fact that people were so cruel about someone who by all accounts seemed like a genuinely nice guy, or the fact that people were so hateful to someone who had a preference for their own gender. If Dean was gay, he gave no indicators of it. He even made flirtatious remarks to Jo on several occasions during lunch. If people found out that Cas was gay himself, he could only imagine what kind of things would be said about him, how cruel people would treat him.

“Don’t take that one too personally, Cas,” Gabriel says to him, noticing how long Cas had been staring at it. Castiel can’t tell if he’s being sincere when he says it.

The two leave a few minutes later. Gabe tries to make small talk but Cas remains mostly silent. When they get home their Dad is already back, sitting at the kitchen table and going through a few papers. He looks up at the two for a moment before going back to his work without even saying a word.

Cas resists the urge to roll his eyes as he makes his way upstairs to his room. The smell of plaster and paint is still strong. He lays on his mattress and closes his eyes, trying to remember what his house would smell like right now. It’s mid October, so his mom would have the house filled with Cinnamon Apple Cider candles. It would smell like autumn. It would smell like the trees outside were turning orange and yellow. It would smell like masses of leaves raked into piles on lawns waiting for eager kids to jump into them. It would smell like a cool, crisp day, cold enough for his breath to be visible as it came out of his mouth in white wisps of mist. It would smell like pumpkin carving and corn mazes.

Instead it smells like plaster and paint.

Cas falls asleep thinking about his mom and Cinnamon Apple Cider.

* * *

 

When Dean gets to school on Monday he’s thirty minutes early. The school is still mostly empty except for a few kids coming in early to make up tests or work on projects.

He walks to the library, which looks to still be empty. Dean is grateful as he makes his way through the doors leading to the room. He goes to the research section of the library, filled with dictionaries and encyclopedias and other reference books. Students rarely ventured over here. It was the spot in the school Dean most often took refuge in.

He sits on the floor, leaning against one of the bookshelves before pulling _The Catcher in the Rye_ out of his backpack. The edges of the front cover are starting to peel and curl from always resting in Dean’s backpack.

He opens the page to where his bookmark is resting and begins reading. It’s his fourth time reading through the book since he first got it last year. Well, stole it. He hadn’t meant to, not initially. His class was in the library, choosing books for an english project. Dean had noticed the book and decided on it, when another classmate, Ash, came up to him and started a conversation. He was so focused on trying not to make a fool of himself in front of Ash that he’d forgotten to check the book out. When he realized his mistake a few days later he was too embarrassed to go back to the library and check it out under his name, so instead he took the laminated cover off that held the barcode and painted over the stamp of the school’s name on the inside cover. He’d considered the book his after that.

A few minutes into reading he hears the footsteps of another student. He looks up from the book, praying that they don’t come over to where Dean is sitting. Unfortunately, the steps make their way to Dean. He looks back down to his book, hoping that whoever it is won’t bother him.

“Oh, hey Dean.”

He recognizes Cas’s voice instantly. After placing the bookmark back in the crease of the pages he looks up.

“Hey Cas,” he greets with a small forced smile.

“How are you?” Cas asks. Dean knows he’s just trying to be polite, but right now he’s really wishing Cas would just get whatever book he came over here for and leave.

“I’m fine. Just enjoying the quiet of the library,” he answers, trying to indirectly tell Castiel that he just wants to be alone.

“What book are you reading?” Another question. Dean holds back a sigh before answering.

“Catcher in the Rye.”

“Is it any good?”

“I like it well enough.”

Neither of the two say anything for a moment. Dean can see Cas start to look a little uncomfortable, like he’s unsure of what he should say next.

“I just came here to get an algebra textbook. I’m behind in my class because of transferring schools. They’re already working on things at this school that my old one hadn’t even gotten to yet,” Cas explains as he starts looking through the books.

“Ah, that sucks. When I moved here a few years ago none of my classes were the same curriculum wise, I had to get caught up on everything. I ended up needing to do summer school,” Dean replies. He rubs his wrist through his sleeve a bit, wondering if he’d just completely overshared to someone he didn’t know that well. When Cas doesn’t say anything in response Dean rubs at his wrist a little harder.

“Here’s the one I need. Do you mind if I sit here too? Have a math assignment due second hour and none of the classrooms are unlocked yet. I can go to a different part of the library if you’d prefer,” Cas adds.

“Sure,” is all Dean can manage to say back as he tries to fight his anxiety.

Cas sits with his back resting against the opposite bookshelf and flips through the pages before opening it and placing it on the ground next to him. Dean looks back down to his book, taking a moment to find his place. The library is silent once again except for the scratching of Castiel’s pencil on his notebook. After a few minutes of it, Dean notices that Cas’s presence isn’t all that bad. He might even go so far as to say that he enjoys it.

“How long have you lived in Hali Coast?” Cas asks suddenly. Dean looks up from his book, not feeling as annoyed this time.

“A few years now,” he answers plainly.

“Does it ever get better living here? It’s a shock to the system being the topic of everyone’s conversations.”

“Yeah, it does eventually. I remember that feeling all too well. It took months before people stopped trying to find out every bit of information about me and my brother,” Dean replies, placing his book in his lap.

“How much did they find out? Like, did they just find out why you came here and basic things about you, or did they find out secrets you wanted to keep secret?” Cas continues. Dean notices that Cas almost seems nervous.

“More or less, yeah they did. There are only a few things that I’ve actually been able to keep to myself,” Dean answers honestly. He’s not sure why he feels so comfortable revealing that to Castiel. He didn’t want to risk saying anything that would tip someone off to the mess underneath his sleeves, but Dean already felt a peculiar sense of trust towards him.

“I’m sorry, I’m interrupting you from your book,” Cas apologizes suddenly.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind,” he reassures.

Cas looks back down to his notebook and starts writing things down again. Dean picks his book back up, looking up from the edge over to Castiel a few times before he becomes immersed into the story. He doesn’t realize that Cas has left until the warning bell chimes through the building.

When he gets to homeroom, Cas and Jo are already there.

“What are you guys talking about?” Dean asks as he sits down next to them.

“Ash is having a party on Halloween. His parents will be out of town, they’re going up to Pendleton for the weekend. He’s inviting pretty much everyone,” Jo explains. “I’m just trying to convince Cas here that he should go.”

“Why does he need to go? Wait, no, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean it like that,” Dean quickly corrects, feeling a bit flustered as he tries to find the right words. Jo starts laughing at him. “I just mean, like, it’s just a party. It’s not a big deal if he doesn’t want to go. I’m sure as hell not going.”

“What? Dean come on. It’ll be fun,” Jo pleads.

“Parties are never actually any fun. And besides, the cops will definitely be called the second the noise gets louder than a whisper. The old people in this town can’t stand seeing anyone younger than them enjoying themselves,” Dean responds.

“It’s not going to be at his house, his parents own a cabin along the shoreline like twenty miles from here. No one’s going to be able to hear when things start getting wild,” Jo explains, looking over to Cas again. “You guys have to go.”

“I don’t have a car and I’m doubtful my father would drive me there,” Cas says.

“Dean can drive us,” she offers. Dean gives her a look.

“A Cabin in the Woods. That is literally the title of a horror movie where like four people are killed. That’s an awful idea.”

“Yeah I’m siding with Dean. That sounds like a recipe for disaster,” Castiel agrees.

“Okay, how about this? I will dance with each of you. A slow dance. Your hands on my hips, my head resting on your chest, my face inches from yours,” Jo offers, looking at the two suggestively. Dean fights back a bit of a smirk.

“Damn, desperation is a pretty good look on you,” Dean teases. “Ah what the hell. Are you in Cas?”

When he looks back over at Cas, Dean notices that he looks almost worried.

“Uh, yeah, sure. But, um, Jo you don’t have to dance with me. That’s not necessary,” Cas stammers, his cheeks turning a bit red.

“So what costumes are we all gonna wear?” Dean asks, changing the subject. Cas looks grateful.

“You should go as a doctor. You’d make a good one, call yourself Dr. Sexy or something completely over the top like that,” Jo jokes, wiggling her eyebrows a bit at Dean. He laughs in response.

“Dr. Sexy, huh. That has a nice ring to it. What about Castiel?”

“Detective. Trench coat, fedora, the whole get up,” Jo replies. Cas chuckles lightly.

“I don’t think I’d make a good detective,” he admits with a small smile.

“Nah you’d make a great one,” she reassures.

“And what about you? Seems like you’ve already put some thought into this,” Cas says.

“I’ll be a ghost. Like a murder victim. Dean can be the doctor who tried to save me and Cas will be the investigator on my case,” she offers. Dean laughs at her again.

“Jo, you know I love you, but that seems a little lame,” Dean teases with a smirk. Jo lightly punches him in the arm in response.

“No, I like it. They’re not matching or inherently related on the surface, but still fit a theme. I think it’s a neat idea,” Cas chimes in.

“Thank you, Castiel. At least you understand my genius,” Jo replies, turning her nose up at Dean and “hmph-ing” at him. Both Dean and Cas laugh this time.

“Well it’s settled then, we’ll go as a doctor, detective and deceased,” Dean says.

* * *

 

When school ends Cas walks around the town for a bit, not wanting to go back home yet. He spots a small candle shop and walks inside. It feels even smaller inside. The air is warm and the smell of fall themed candles fills Castiel’s nose. As he breathes in deeply and lets out a content sigh, he notices a red headed girl at the front counter who he thinks he recognizes from school. He gives her a small smile as he walks to one of the shelves of candles. After he looks around for a few minutes she comes up to him.

“Hi, I’m Charlie. Can I help you find anything?” She asks.

“Oh, um, do you have any Cinnamon Apple Cider candles? Or anything that smells similar?”

“I think we have a few like that, over here,” she replies, beginning to walk to the other side of the room. Cas follows behind.

“Okay, this one is called ‘Spiced Cider’, I think that might be what you’re looking for. There’s also ‘Apple Orchard’ but I don’t think it has any cinnamon in it,” she says as she looks at some of the candles. Cas picks up Spiced Cider first. He gives it a small sniff after pulling the cap off. It’s close, but the cinnamon smell is a little too strong.

“This one is close, but not quite. I don’t want to be super picky, it’s just, I’m just looking for a particular smell.”

“It’s okay I get that. Does it remind you of something specific? I know that the only candle I like is fresh linen because it reminds me of my best friend from elementary school who moved away,” she reassures.

“My mother,” Cas replies after a moment, picking up one of the Apple Orchard candles. He isn’t sure why he admitted that to her, but Charlie seemed sincere in her question. “Yeah, this one just smells like apples.”

“Hmm, what about Apple Pie? That might be closer,” she offers, pointing the candles out. “I heard about her. I’m sorry if that’s rude of me to say, but you just can’t avoid any gossip around hear. I’m also sorry that that happened. I can’t imagine how painful that it.”

“It’s okay, I get. When there are more churches than people it gets hard to find interesting things to talk about. Yeah, it’s been difficult, but I’m managing.”

Cas picks up the candle and smells it. It’s close, but smells too sweet.

“This one isn’t right either. I’m sorry I’m difficult,” Cas apologizes, giving Charlie a small smile.

“Quit apologizing. It’s okay. Trust me, I’ve had way worse customers to deal with. Okay this one doesn’t sound like it would be right but what about Autumn Leaves?”

Cas tries that one. It smells exactly like the candles his mother would buy. Cas closes his eyes as he breathes the smell in deeply.

“This is perfect. Thank you. I-I’m Castiel by the way, if you didn’t already know that,” Cas replies.

“Yeah, I figured. Hey so, this might be forward of me, but would you maybe wanna hang out sometime? I swear I’m not trying to befriend you just because you’re the new kid,” Charlie offers.

“Oh um, I don’t know, I’m kinda boring to hang around,” Cas replies hesitantly.

“Come on, I won’t bite. Most of the kids in our high school suck, you need good friends like me,” she insists.

“I think that might be a bit egotistical of you to say,” Cas teases with a small laugh. Charlie smiles.

“Well it’s the truth. I’m amazing.”

“Okay sure, I’ll take you up on your offer,” Cas agrees.

He leaves the shop with Charlie’s number in his phone and two candles, a big and a small one. He places the smaller one in his coat pocket and carries the other one in his hand. The walk back home takes almost an hour and the sun has already began setting by the time he walks through the front doors.

Cas heads through the front room and living room to the kitchen where he searches around for something to light the larger candle. In one of the drawers he finds a matchbook, half filled. Cas wonders how they got there since they had only begun unpacking and hadn’t yet started filling a designated junk drawer. He only thinks about it for a moment, more interested in lighting the candle. He walks over to the bar and sets the candle down, opening the matchbook and retrieving one of the matches.

They’re flimsy and made of cardboard, which causes some trouble getting it lit. Cas is on his third match and his tenth try at getting it lit when his dad walks into the room.

“What are you doing?” He questions when he sees Castiel. He walks over and snatches the candle from in front of Cas.

“I was just trying to light it. This house still smells too new, I wanted to make it smell more homey,” Cas explains, setting the matches down. His dad looks sad more than he is angry.

“These things can set fires. Do you want to burn this entire house down? This house is a fortune!” He begins to yell, setting the candle back on the counter with a loud thunk.

“Dad, it’s just a candle,” Cas starts to protest. His dad suddenly shoves the candle off of the counter. It smacks into the tile and the glass breaks, leaving a pile of shards a block of hardened wax.

“It it _not_ just a candle,” he shouts. The ‘it’s a painful reminder of your mother’ goes unsaid.

Cas looks at his dad with shock. Neither of them say anything for a moment. Finally he breaks the silence by announcing that he’s going up to his room to work on homework. His dad is still standing in place as Castiel walks away.

Even in the safety and security of his room Cas fights tears. His dad had yelled at him before but not like that, and he’d never broken things out of anger, even when he was wasted. It was only ever alcohol fueled insults.

Cas sits at his desk, the chair feeling uncomfortable beneath him. He’d gotten used to the worn down padding of his old computer chair. This one was still well-cushioned, and somehow that softness that came with it was unwelcoming. Cas opens his algebra textbook and flips through the pages for a moment to find the new problems he was assigned. He works through a few before the tears brimming at his eyelids start to roll down his cheeks. Cas let’s his head fall into his hands as silent sobs pour from his mouth. He thinks it might be the first time he’s let himself cry since finding out that his mother left.

When it finally feels like he’s out of tears he sighs and lifts his head up, blinking a few times as his eyes readjust. His too-bright lights hurt his adjusting eyes, and that combined with crying, starts to bring on a migraine. Castiel rubs at his temples for a moment.

He gets up from his chair and walks over to his dresser, grabbing a pair of sweatpants. As he strips down he remembers the candle in his coat and grabs it. After setting it on his dresser he continues changing and then picks it up again. He brings it with him to his bed and lays down, pulling the cap off and smelling it. He wants to light it, but his dad would probably find out from the scent of smoke as it burned.

He imagines his mom asking him to put a lit candle in the bathroom and one on the dining room table while Anna put them in the living room and bedrooms. He tries to relive the feeling of comfort that the smell of the candles always brought. When sleep starts to overcome Cas, he dreams of his mother and his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys all enjoyed this chapter. Sorry if it's been excessively wordy and exposition-y these last two chapters. Now that Dean and Cas's respective backgrounds have mostly been established it should get better and feel less like I'm just dumping all the information on you.  
> Also constructive criticism and feedback is hugely appreciated, it helps me to be a better writer and put out better content for you guys as a result


	3. Doctor, Detective, Deceased

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie look at me posting an update when I said I would. Incredible.  
> Hope y'all enjoy this chapter. Also please feel free to leave constructive criticisms and feedback, it only helps me as a writer.

Castiel nervously pulls open the door to the coffee shop. His nose is immediately overpowered by the smell of coffee. He looks around for a second before spotting Charlie, sitting next to a guy Cas vaguely remembers from PE. He and Cas were two of the only kids constantly trying to get out of participation.

“Hey Charlie,” Cas greets as he walks over.

“Hey Castiel. This is my friend Chuck,” she introduces, gesturing to Chuck. Cas gives a small nod.

“Yeah we have gym together,” Cas replies. “Although truthfully I didn’t know your name until three seconds ago.”

“That’s okay. I don’t really make a point to be noticed like some of the other idiots in that period,” Chuck says. Cas laughs as he pulls out one of the chairs and sits down.

“Seriously, you’d think with how seriously they take PE that they were training for the Olympics,” Cas jokes. Charlie and Chuck both laugh.

“So are you two going to Ash’s party?” Cas asks after a moment.

“Yeah. Heard it’s probably gonna be pretty crazy since it’s so far outside of town,” Charlie replies.

“Yeah that’s what I was told as well. What are you gonna go dressed as?” Castiel inquires.

“I’m not gonna dress up. Too much effort. At best I’ll wear an orange shirt that says ‘costume’ or something like that,” Charlie answers, taking a sip from her mug.

“I don’t think I’m gonna dress up either. I’d feel more awkward than I already am,” Chuck admits.

“You guys are lame,” Cas teases. “My friend Jo came up with the mildly elaborate costume plan. She’s the ghost of a murder victim, I’ll be the detective trying to solve the case, and Dean will be the doctor who tried to save her.”

“Maybe Chuck and I should tag along on that theme. I can be the police officer and Chuck can be the murderer,” Charlie suggests.

“I don’t think I’d make a convincing murderer. People still talk about how I made you kill that spider on my desk last year in health.”

Charlie lets out a loud laugh at that. “It’s always the people you least suspect who are guilty,” she says.

“No, sometimes the people you least suspect are the people who are in fact innocent,” Chuck disagrees.

“Don’t be lame. Come on, it’ll be fun,” Charlie pleads.

“What’s so fun about dressing up? Seriously, give me a good reason,” Chuck replies, taking a drink from his own mug.

“You get to pretend to be someone you’re not,” Castiel offers with a shrug.

Chuck shakes his head. “That doesn’t necessarily make it fun. Just different.”

“Because it is, Miss Debbie Downer. Maybe if you actually put yourself out there every once in a while you’d understand,” Charlie says a bit harshly while crossing her arms.

“Ouch, tell me how you really feel,” Chuck replies dejectedly.

Cas observes the situation for a moment, not sure if he should interject or not. He’s not sure how. He barely knew Charlie, and he and Chuck were still pretty much strangers.

After a few more seconds Castiel speaks up.

“Okay so, I’m just gonna like, play Devil’s advocate here, for both sides. Charlie, social anxiety is a real thing, maybe be a little more sensitive to that. Chuck, you’re being too closed minded about it, at least give it more consideration before saying no. Also, sorry if I overstepped any boundaries by saying that since we’re not that close yet,” he adds quickly, letting out a small, nervous breath. Trying to resolve conflict was definitely not one of his strong suits.

Both of them give Castiel a look.

“Alright, fine. I’ll _think_ about it. No promises,” Chuck finally says.

Charlie sighs a bit dramatically. “Sorry for being insensitive.”

* * *

 

Dean drapes his fake stethoscope around his neck as he looks himself over in the mirror. He didn’t look half bad in scrubs and a lab coat. After one last look in the mirror he leaves his room and heads for the front door, grabbing his wallet and keys from the coffee table on his way out. Once he’s in his car he looks up Cas’s address and Jo’s. He goes to Jo’s first since she’s just a few minutes away.

“The doctor will see you now,” Dean says as she opens the passenger door to the Impala. Jo rolls her eyes.

“How do I look?” She asks. Dean looks her over for a moment. She has a fake bullet wound on her forehead, all of her skin is coated in white makeup, her clothes look torn and covered in dirt, and the back of her head features more fake blood.

“It looks good, but I swear to God if you get any of that on my baby you’ll be wishin’ you were actually dead,” Dean threatens. Jo laughs in response.

“Whatever, you’re all talk,” she taunts.

When they get to Castiel’s house both of them stare at it in awe.

“Who even needs a house that big? It’s just three of them. You, Sam, and Bobby get along just fine in your tiny house,” she says as they wait for Cas to come out.

Dean lets out a sort of shocked laugh. “I feel like I should take offense to that.”

“Nah, you love me too much,” Jo jokes. Dean rolls his eyes in response.

A few minutes later Cas comes out, wearing a trenchcoat and fedora. Dean smiles when he sees Castiel. He pulls off the look well. Dean realizes that his eyes have been lingering on Cas longer than they should’ve. He clears his throat, noticing that Jo is giving him a look.

“What?” Dean asks, pretending like Jo hadn’t just caught him watching Cas.

“Nothing,” she replies as Castiel opens the door to the backseat. “Hey Cas.”

“Hello, Jo,” he replies formally.

“You look good. Just like I said you would,” she says.

“I don’t know, I feel a little silly,” Cas admits.

“Don’t worry, everyone else is going to be dressed up too,” Jo reassures, turning to give Cas a small smile

Fortunately Jo’s right, when they get to the cabin they can already see a few people out front in more attention grabbing costumes. After Dean finds a place to park they make their way up the driveway and through the front door. Ash, who’s dressed in a biker costume, is standing next to a few other guys who are retrieving balls from the pockets of a pool table that feels way out of place in the living room. Ash notices them as soon as they step in through the doorway.

“Dean Winchester, my man! Can’t believe you actually turned up at one of my parties. And you’re the new kid, Castiel, right?” He asks as he makes his way over to them.

“Yep, that would be me,” Cas replies shyly.

“Well, there’s beer and snacks in the kitchen, feel free to help yourself. I think they’re setting up a game of beer pong downstairs too, if you want to get in on that. I got a game to get back to, so I’ll leave you guys to it,” he explains before walking back to the pool table.

“Where did Jo go?” Dean asks as he looks around again. “Guess she already ran off.”

Dean leads the way to the kitchen which is less crowded than the living room. The music is also quieter.

“Have you ever had beer before?” Dean asks as he looks through one of the coolers resting on the floor next to the island in the center of the kitchen.

“No,” Cas admits.

“The taste takes some getting used to, which is fine because you definitely don’t want to be drinking too much your first time,” Dean warns as he hands one of the cans to Cas. He hesitantly grabs it and pops the tab open. After taking a small sip he coughs.

“It you were to take bread, tie it to a tire, drive around for an hour, and then put the taste of the resulting bread in a can, this would be it,” Cas says, making a disgusted face. Dean laughs, taking a swig from his own can.

“That was a strangely specific description, but yeah, like I said, it’s an acquired taste.”

As Cas takes a few more sips Jo comes up behind the two, putting one of her arms on either one of their shoulders.

“Hey, they’re setting up beer pong in the basement,” she says over the noise.

“We know. Ash told us, after you ran off,” Dean replies.

“So are you gonna come play?” She asks, looking back and forth at the two.

“I’m the designated driver, remember? One beer for me and that’s it.”

“What about you, Cas? Please,” she begs, pouting at him. Cas chuckles lightly.

“I don’t even know how you play,” Cas says, taking another sip of his beer.

“It’s easy, you just try to bounce a ping pong ball into a cup. If you get it in you drink,” she explains.

“Mmm, sure, why not?,” he agrees after thinking it over for a moment.

Jo leads Cas down into the basement with Dean following behind. It’s filled with a small crowd of people, some who are placing some cups onto a table and filling them. Cas notices Charlie, dressed in a blue police uniform. Chuck is standing next to her, wearing normal clothes.

“I chickened out,” Chuck admits as Cas walks up to him. “I just felt weird trying to dress as a murderer. I’m not even sure how I’d dress as one.”

“I almost did the same,” Cas admits, adjusting his trench coat a bit. Dean wants to tell Cas that he looks great, but of course, he can’t.

“Are you playing beer pong?” Charlie asks, gesturing to the table.

“Yeah, that’s why Jo dragged me down here,” Cas answers, giving her a look.

“You’ll thank me later when you’re relaxed and having fun,” Jo replies, nudging his shoulder lightly with her own.

When the game starts Dean walks over to the wall, leaning against it and watching them. When it’s Cas’s turn he makes the ping pong ball into the cup on the left corner. Everyone cheers and Cas nervously takes the cup and drinks it.

“C’mon chug!” Charlie shouts. A few people join in and Cas begins to gulp it down.

Dean chuckles a bit to himself at the sight. He can’t help but stare at Cas’s lips as he wipes off a foam mustache. He’d only known Castiel for a few weeks now, but he couldn’t help but feel almost drawn to him. Dean tries to convince himself that it’s just because Cas is new in town and interesting to everyone, but somewhere deep in the back of his head is a feeling of something more. Evidently Dean wasn’t doing a good job of hiding whatever it was he was experiencing for Castiel.

“Looks like someone’s got a crush,” Jo whispers in a sing song voice. Dean jumps a bit, not realizing that Jo had been standing next to her.

“Yeah right, you’re full of it,” Dean replies, rolling his eyes.

“I still owe you a dance,” she reminds him, giving him a small smile.

“You think he’ll be okay down here? Kinda feel like he’s a kid in a crowded mall; can’t let him go far.”

“I think he’ll be okay. Charlie will take care of him,” Jo reassures. “Come on.”

Dean follows Jo back upstairs, where a slow song has just started playing. A few couples are already dancing in the living room. Dean and Jo follow suit, Jo placing her arms around Dean’s shoulders. He hesitantly rests his hands on her hips in response.

“You know you don’t have to do this,” Dean says after a moment.

“I know. I want to,” she insists.

As the two sway slowly Dean wonders what it would be like if he was holding Cas instead.

_Wait what?_

Dean blinks as he processes the thought that went through his head. Dean isn’t into guys, he’d have no reason to want to dance with Castiel. And yet, some part of him can’t help but wonder what it’d be like if he was holding Cas’s waist instead of Jo’s.

Dean shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thought. He just couldn’t seem to get his mind off a Cas tonight.

“What?” Jo asks, looking up at Dean.

“Nothing. Just thinking,” Dean answers.

“About Cas?”

“What? No. Why would I- why do you keep saying that?” Dean questions defensively.

“I dunno. Seems like I catch you looking at him a lot. You flirt with me, sure, but you’ve never made a move. Makes me wonder if I’m just a debuff,” she reasons, shrugging her shoulders a bit.

“Really?” Dean asks, before pulling Jo slightly closer and kissing her. It’s a short kiss, barely long enough for Dean to notice how her lips are slightly cold. It doesn’t feel all that special. Jo laughs as Dean pulls away.

“Gotta say, that wasn’t all that convincing. Maybe next time,” she whispers before walking away slowly. Dean stares at her in confusion as she leaves before walking into the kitchen to grab another beer. He’s about to push the tab open when he remembers he’s the one who has to make the drive home. With a sigh, Dean sets the can back into the cooler. He then walks to the sliding glass door, curious to see what’s going on in the backyard.

There’s an inground pool which has already been drained for the winter. There’s also a hot tub with a few people in it, holding red solo cups and laughing and having a good time. Part of Dean feels like he’s missing out, because there’s no way he’d ever do that with his arms looking the way they did. Even if he stopped, the scars would be on his arms permanently. After looking around for another moment Dean makes his way back to the living room, deciding to watch the pool game going on in there.

Ash is leaving over the edge of the table, lining up his shot. He slides the pool stick forward softly, the cue ball making a soft clink as it hits the the three ball. It’s barely audible over the music. The three ball makes it into the pocket, with the cue ball following and just barely stopping before going over the edge as well. Dean leans against the wall to quietly observe as Ash walks to the other side of the table. After leaning forward and taking a moment to aim, he quickly pushes the pool stick forward. It sends the cue ball rolling across the table quickly as it collides with the eight ball. The eight ball makes it into the pocket, earning him appraisal for winning the game.

Dean watches a few more games, most of them being won by Ash, before he realizes that Cas has been playing beer pong this whole time. The slightest bit of worry grows in Dean’s stomach as he makes his way over to the basement door and down the steps.

As he reaches the bottom step there’s a round of cheers as Cas drinks from another cup. He throws his hands into the air as he finishes and cheers. Dean can’t help but smile at the sight.

“How many have you had?” Dean asks when Cas walks to the outside of the crowd.

“Hmmm, seven, maybe eight. Probably more,” Castiel answers, his words slurring together. He sways a bit.

“Maybe you should slow down. That’s a lot, especially for your first time drinking,” Dean warns.

“Okay, if you say so, but I was having so much fun,” Cas replies, pouting a bit.

“Why don’t we get some food inside of you, food is fun too,” Dean suggests, ushering Castiel forward.

He follows behind Cas back upstairs to make sure he doesn’t fall. When they’re in the kitchen Dean grabs a bag of potato chips and hands it to Cas.

“Here, eat. You’ll feel better,” Dean instructs. Cas eyes the chip bag suspiciously.

“But I feel fine, Dean. I’ve never felt so good. The room is dancing,” Cas replies with a giggle, setting the chips down and spinning in a circle. After only one spin Cas falls forward onto his hands and knees. Dean bites his lip to keep from laughing as he helps Castiel back onto his feet.

“Okay, we should probably get you home if you’re fallin’ down that easy,” Dean says after looking over Cas for a moment. He tries to grab Cas’s arm to place it around his shoulder.

“No, I got it, I got it. I can walk,” Cas insists, pulling his arm away, swaying backwards in the process.

“If you say so. Just don’t go blaming me if you eat concrete on the way out,” Dean replies. “Ah crap, let me find Jo first, make sure she has a ride back. Don’t go anywhere.”

Cas laughs and shrugs his shoulders.

“I can go anywhere, Dean. I’m _alive_!”

Dean shakes his head and chuckles as he leaves the kitchen to look for Jo. Fortunately he doesn’t have to look too long. Dean finds her on the porch in the backyard, standing in very close proximity to another guy.

“Did you forget about me already?” Dean jokes as he approaches her. The guy she’s talking with widens his eyes.

“Oh, I didn’t know, is she your, I’m sorry,” he starts to stammer. Jo gives Dean a look.

“No, he’s not my anything. Dean, this is Adam,” she introduces.

“That’s nice and all, but I don’t really have time for introductions. Cas is wasted, I’m gonna get him home before he’s passed out on the floor and choking on his own puke. Can you find another ride home?” Dean asks, looking over to Adam.

“I can take her home, I haven’t had anything to drink. If you’re okay with it, of course,” Adam offers.

Jo nods her head. “Yeah that’s fine. Is Cas okay?”

“Mhmm, like I said, he’s just completely shit faced. I don’t think he’s reached alcohol poisoning levels of intoxication, but I’m not sure he’s that far away from it,” Dean explains, glancing back towards the glass door and feeling a bit more nervous as he speaks.

“Yikes, yeah you better get him home. If you think he’s not breathing well, you better drive him straight to the ER,” Jo warns.

“Don’t worry, I know how to handle it, I was dealin’ with it since elementary school,” Dean says before walking back to the kitchen. Cas isn’t anywhere to be seen. Dean sighs and walks into the living room. Cas is standing next to Ash who is showing him how to shotgun a beer. Dean sighs once again, a little heavier this time, and makes his way over to the two. He gets there just in time for Castiel to stab the can and pop the tab before chugging it.

Dean crosses his arms and watches as Cas quickly finishes it and throws the can to the ground. Ash cheers and slaps him on the back.

“Cas, I gave you one simple instruction to follow,” Dean scolds when Cas is done.

“But that was fun Dean. Drinking is fun. You should drink with me. Let’s get wasted together,” Cas replies, smiling at him. Dean feels the corners of his mouth tug in response. Part of him was tempted at the prospect of getting hammered with Castiel, and just seeing what it would lead to. But he knows better.

“Your friend sure knows how to party,” Ash interrupts.

“Yeah, well his dad is gonna be pissed if he gets home too late, especially if he shows up drunk. We really gotta get going, Cas,” Dean lies.

“You’re no fun,” Cas complains. “And fuck my dad. What’s he gonna do? Ground me? Whatever.” Castiel’s words are becoming increasingly slurred.

“When you’re sobering up tomorrow morning you’re gonna be thanking me for not letting you stay here any longer. Come on, let’s get going,” Dean insists.

Dean says a quick goodbye to Ash before pulling Cas to the door. Despite stumbling and tripping a few times he makes it to Dean’s car in one piece. Dean opens the door for him and helps him inside.

“Think you can manage the seatbelt on your own?” Dean questions, starting to lean forward and reach for the belt.

“I got it, I can do it,” Cas assures, swatting at Dean’s hand a bit. Dean shuts the door and walks over to the driver’s side. Cas is still struggling to get his seatbelt done when the car is started. Dean sighs and leans over, grabbing the belt and buckling it for him.

“You better not puke in my car,” he warns as he pulls out of the driveway.

“I feel fine,” Cas reassures, slouching down in the seat and closing his eyes. After only a minute or two his head starts to bob with the movements of the car. Dean feels himself smiling once again as he looks over at Castiel. He looks cute.

Dean pulls his eyes away and tries to focus on the road, but his eyes still periodically drift over to the dark haired boy.

When they get to Cas’s house, Dean says his name a few times to try to wake him up. Finally, after Dean shakes his shoulder, Cas opens his eyes and looks around.

“Wh-where am I?” He asks, confused.

“We just got to your house. I drove you home from the party,” Dean explains, moving his hands away from Cas’s shoulder.

Cas leans forward and clutches his stomach. “Oh. Mm, I don’t feel good.”

“Hey not in the car man, not in the car!” Dean warns.

Fortunately Cas gets the door open and leans over in time as his stomach heaves. Dean cringes a bit, and hesitantly pats Castiel’s back a few times as he empties his stomach. Dean fights back a gag as he listens to Cas retch.

“You okay,” Dean asks as Cas sits back up and wipes at his mouth.

“Mhm. That was horrible.”

Cas sits back in the seat and closes his eyes, panting like he’d just ran a mile.

“Are you sure?” Dean questions.

“Yeah, I just need a minute,” he replies.

The two sit in silence for a few minutes as Cas takes some deep breaths.

“Okay, yeah, I’m good. Hey, do you want to spend the night? It’s getting pretty late, I don’t want you driving home if you’re too tired,” Cas offers, looking over to Dean. Dean is about to decline when a yawn forces his mouth open.

“That might not be the worst idea,” Dean agrees, rubbing his eyes a bit before turning off the engine.

Dean follows Cas inside and to the kitchen.

“My dad won’t be home until late tomorrow, but Gabriel might not be forgiving if we wake him up,” Cas explains as he grabs a glass from one of the cupboards. Dean hums in acknowledgment.

After Cas rinses his mouth out a few times and takes some ibuprofen, the two head upstairs and to Castiel’s room. Dean can’t help but look around in awe at Cas’s room. It’s bigger than the master bedroom at his house. It’s bigger than their living room, too.

“You can take my bed if you want,” Cas offers, pulling off his trench coat and fedora before walking over to his dresser and looking through a few drawers.

“No man, you were puking your brains out not even five minutes ago. All I need is a pillow and I’m good to go,” Dean replies. Cas turns and hands Dean a pair of sweats and a shirt.

“Here. I can’t imagine you want to sleep in costume scrubs. These are big on me so they should fit you,” Cas says as he looks back to his dresser and pulls his own pajamas out.

Dean’s heart skips a beat as he notices that the shirt is short sleeved.

“Where’s your bathroom?” Dean asks.

“First door on the right.”

Dean quickly leaves the room and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Maybe if he waits out in here long enough Cas will already be asleep when he comes back in the room. He’ll just need to leave in the morning before Castiel is awake.

Dean picks at one of the scabs on his wrist as his heart continues to beat faster. Finally he starts to change out of his costume and into Cas’s clothes.

When he leaves the bathroom he breathes out a sigh of relief at the sound of quiet snores from Cas, who is collapsed onto his bed. There’s also a small pile of pillows and blankets on the floor.

Dean folds some of the blankets into a makeshift mattress and lays down, pulling another blanket up to his chin with his arms underneath. If Cas does wake up first at least Dean’s arms won’t immediately be exposed. After a few minutes, exhaustion starts to tug on his eyelids and Dean falls asleep.

* * *

 

When Cas wakes up the first thing he notices is that his head is throbbing. He groans and rubs his temples before slowly climbing out of his bed. As he walks to the door he trips over something. He looks down confused to find a pile of neatly folded blankets with a few pillows next to it. Cas makes an ‘oh’ sound as he remembers that Dean stayed the night. He wonders where Dean is now. His question is answered when he checks his phone. There’s a text from Dean.

_Had to skip out early, my uncle was mad I didn’t come home last night. Didn’t know where to put the blankets so I left them on the floor, sorry._

As he reads the text he starts to remember most of last night. He remembers drinking copious amounts of beer during beer pong. He remembers Dean helping him back up. He remembers Dean insisting that they leave and guiding him to the impala. He remembers feeling a gentle pat on his back as he puked onto the driveway.

He feels embarrassment crawl up his neck and to his cheeks as he blushes, focusing on the last part. He’d definitely overdone it last night, and Dean was unfortunate enough to have to witness the aftermath.

Cas sets his phone back down before going downstairs to the kitchen. Gabe is already down there, eating a sandwich.

“Is it already lunchtime?” Cas asks as he walks to the medicine cabinet and grabs the bottle of ibuprofen.

“Yup. How late did you get home last night?” Gabe asks.

“Honestly, I don’t remember. I got kinda wasted last night,” Castiel admits as he takes four ibuprofen. He probably shouldn’t take that many, but his headache is barely tolerable.

“That’s an understatement. I could hear you heaving from my bedroom last night,” he replies, shuddering a bit at the memory.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Cas apologizes.

“It wasn’t you that woke me up, it was the car of that guy you brought home, Dean. Sounds like a nice ride.”

“I let him stay because he was tired. How’d you know he spent the night?” Cas inquires as he grabs some eggs from the refrigerator.

“We had an uncomfortable encounter this morning. He was like a deer in the headlights when he came down the stairs and saw me,” Gabriel explains as he finishes the last of his sandwich.

Castiel feels himself wishing that Dean were still here. He could’ve made Dean some breakfast, they could’ve talked. Cas could sneak glances at Dean when he wasn’t looking.

Instead he sighs, wishing that he wasn’t developing a crush on one of his only friends here.


	4. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy this chapter, I feel like it got kinda dumb towards the end so, y'know, maybe leave feedback if you liked it

On Monday morning it’s pouring outside so Dean, Cas and Jo have no choice but to sit inside the lunchroom rather than spend the period at their usual spot on the benches out front. After only a few minutes in the overwhelmingly loud room, Dean’s anxiety is starting to rise. He can’t help but bounce his knee lightly as he looks around the room.

He can hear Castiel’s and Jo’s voices next to him but doesn’t really register what they’re saying. As he continues to watch everyone else in the lunchroom he notices Charlie and Chuck walking toward they’re table.

“Hey, Castiel. Do you care if Chuck and I join you guys?” Charlie asks as she approaches the table.

“Not at all. The more the merrier, right?” He replies, looking over to Jo and Dean for any hint of objection. Dean puts his hands underneath the table and rubs at his wrist. He didn’t want to be the asshole who tried to keep their friend group exclusive.

“I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced. I’m Charlie,” she continues as she sits down at the table. Dean forces a smile. 

“I’m the aforementioned Chuck,” he says awkwardly, sitting next to Charlie.

“I’m Dean,” he replies quietly. 

Fortunately Jo begins a conversation with Charlie and Chuck which allows Dean to tune them all out once again. 

He had managed to keep his anxiety in check during the party because he didn’t really interact with anyone except for Castiel and Jo and because he was anticipating how stimulating the environment would be. But today the rain had started suddenly which gave Dean no time to mentally prepare himself for the lunchroom. The added stress of two new people joining them at lunch was causing Dean to inch closer to a panic attack with every second that passed.

“I gotta pee,” he says quietly as he grabs his backpack and gets up from the table. He hears Jo call out to him but doesn’t catch what she says as he quickly makes his way to the bathrooms. 

Dean is grateful to find the bathroom empty as he practically sprints to the furthest stall from the door and shuts it behind him. 

He then roots around through his backpack, finding his second pencil case that’s sole purpose is to safely hold his blades, bandages, and surgical tape. 

After rolling up the sleeve to his flannel shirt, Dean grabs one of the razors from the case. He carefully adds a few cuts to his mid forearm, not wanting to go too deep and risk bleeding through one of the bandages.

As he lets his arm bleed over the toilet, he grabs the roll of bandages from the pencil case. Once his arm is wrapped up, he secures the bandages in place with a few pieces of tape and rolls his sleeve back down. Before leaving the stall he flushes the toilet and puts the pencil case back into his backpack.

“Dean?” 

He nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound of Castiel’s voice. Dean awkwardly steps out of the stall. As he looks across the bathroom to Cas, Dean notices that he looks concerned. 

“Yeah?” Dean asks casually, walking towards the dark haired boy.

“Are you okay?” Castiel questions, looking Dean over.

“I’m fine. Just needed a minute, you know?” Dean answers, shrugging his shoulders. Cas doesn’t look entirely convinced. 

“Are you sure? We don’t need to go back yet if you don’t want to,” he offers. 

Dean looks Castiel in the eye. His eyes are so blue. His irises almost icy, while the edges are more of an ocean blue. Like an icecap in the Atlantic. Dean had never really noticed it before. 

“Okay,” Dean says. He doesn’t let his glance dart away from Castiel’s eyes. They’re just so… beautiful. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cas asks. Dean finally lets his gaze move from Cas’s. He clears his throat as he looks anywhere other than those captivating eyes. 

“Not really. I mean, there’s nothing to talk about. I just get overwhelmed sometimes,” Dean explains. 

“Is me being here making it worse?” Castiel questions. Dean takes a second to find any words to respond with. Cas is just being so sincere, and Dean isn’t used to it.

“No, it’s helping actually,” he admits. He notices the corners of Castiel’s mouth twitch a bit, like they’re trying to pull into a smile. 

The two stand in silence, but strangely it doesn’t feel uncomfortable for Dean. Even with Jo, uncomfortable silences happened quite often. But somehow, he was standing in silence with someone he hadn’t even known for that long and it felt okay. 

“I think I’m ready to go back now,” Dean says after another minute or so.

“Okay. Hey, if you ever need someone to just sit with you while you catch your breath, you can text me whenever,” Cas offers.

Dean just nods his head as the two walk back to the lunchroom. When they sit down at the table Dean can feel Jo’s eyes on him, giving him a knowing look. He feels his face warm up as he blushes. He also notices that Ash has joined their table. 

“Castiel, my man! You are getting a permanent invite to any future parties I host. I’ve never seen someone shotgun a beer quite like that; it was pretty badass,” Ash commends, grinning at Cas.

Castiel chuckles in response. “Well, you didn’t have the pleasure of watching me puke my guts out as soon as I got home. I don’t think I’ll ever be doing that again.”

“I’ve seen more than my fair share of people getting sick, and even that had me gagging,” Dean agrees, smiling at Cas. 

“You’re such a lightweight,” Jo teases.

“Did you see how much he drank while he was playing beer pong? I’m surprised he made it the whole drive back without spewing,” Charlie chimes in. 

The conversation continues, and this time Dean finds himself able to join in. He’s not sure if it’s because of the mental relief from self harming or because sitting next to Cas makes him feel safer, especially after their talk in the bathroom. 

 

When Castiel gets home he walks into the living room and flops down onto the couch with a groan. Gabriel is already home, sitting at the adjacent recliner and watching tv. 

“Boy troubles?” He asks with a smirk.

Cas flips over onto his back and glares at Gabe. “Shut up.”

“So it is boy troubles. Is it about Dean?”

“Shh, don’t say that so loud!” Castiel scolds.

“Relax, I’m not an idiot. Dad won’t be home ‘till later tonight,” he replies, rolling his eyes. 

“Whatever, it’s not like I’m telling you about it,” Cas retorts, sighing a bit.

Gabriel gives Castiel a look, but doesn’t say anything.

“It’s just that, I think I might be getting feelings for him, but it’s not like he’d ever feel the same way, and even if he did,  it seems like he’s going through a lot right now, and I’d have to be the biggest asshole to try to initiate a relationship with him while he’s suffering mentally,” Cas rants after a moment. 

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘Why’?” Cas asks, looking over to Gabe.

“Why would it make you an asshole to pursue a relationship with him?”

Cas looks as Gabe like he’s just asked him what color the sky is. 

“Because suffering from things like depression and anxiety is hard enough without also worrying about being in a romantic relationship. It’s not like we’re strangers to mental trauma.”

Gabriel opens his mouth like he’s about to disagree with Cas, and then pauses.

“What?” Cas questions.

Gabes shakes his head. “Nothing.”

“No, tell me,” Castiel insists.

“It’s not my secret to tell.”

“Secret? About Dean? You have to tell me Gabriel. Did he say something to you Saturday morning?”

“No. Quit bothering me about it. I’m not telling you,” Gabriel says annoyed. 

Castiel lets out an over dramatic sigh. “You used the word ‘secret’. My curiosity is piqued. You can’t just not tell me.”

“Yes I can,” he replies, turning the volume on the tv louder. 

Castiel decides to drop it but let’s his mind continue to dwell on whatever it is that Gabriel is keeping from him. Despite spending almost twenty minutes trying to figure out what Dean’s secret is, he comes up with nothing.

After giving up in frustration he goes upstairs to his room to work on homework. As he sits down at his desk he opens the drawer and pulls out the candle, taking a moment to smell it before getting his textbooks and notebooks out. 

 

When Castiel gets to school on Tuesday he’s half an hour early. He decides to walk to the library, hoping that he’ll find Dean there. His minimal efforts are rewarded and when he walks to the reference section of the library he sees Dean, sitting where he always sits, reading  _ The Catcher in the Rye _ and leaning against the bookcase.

“Hey Dean,” Castiel says as he walks towards him and sits against the opposite book shelf. 

Dean looks up from his book and smiles. Castiel gets butterflies at the sight, and his cheeks start to heat up as a result. 

“Hey Cas.”

“How are you?” Cas asks, trying to sound casual and ignoring the way his heart starts to beat faster around him. 

“Tired. Stayed up way too late last night,” he admits.

“Doing what?”

“Watching tv. Sammy hogged the remote all evening so once he went to bed I seized the opportunity to catch up on some of my favorite shows,” Dean replies.

Cas gives Dean a confused look. “Sammy? Is that your brother?”

“Yeah. I guess he hasn’t come up in conversation yet. He’s in middle school, four years younger than me,” Dean explains. Cas feels his heart rate slowly start to return to a normal rate as the conversation comes easily between them.

“Do you guys get along well?” Castiel inquires. Dean ‘hmms’ as he thinks of his response.

“Yeah, I mean we have our moments, and now that he’s officially a teenager he’s starting to get a bit of an attitude. Drives me insane, but at the end of the day, we’re blood. That’s what matters.”

Cas nods his head in agreement. “That’s kinda how it is with Gabriel. He’s a dick sometimes, but he’s still family. And now that he’ll be going off to college next year, it really makes me appreciate the good times we have.”

The sound of a few students coming into the room halts their conversation. 

 

When lunch rolls around, Dean spots Cas waiting by the entrance to the cafeteria.

“Hey. I figured I’d wait for you, make sure you’re okay going in there,” Castiel says as Dean walks over to him. Dean fights back a smile. He could really get used to having Castiel around.

“Yeah, I think I’ll be alright,” he reassures. 

The two walk side by side to their newly claimed lunch table. Jo, Charlie, Chuck, and Ash are all already sitting at the table.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Adam to sit with us,” Jo says as they sit at the table.

“What, you think I’m gonna get jealous?” Dean asks, opening his backpack and pulling out a brown paper bag.

“Are you?”

Dean shakes his head. “No, of course not.”

“Wait, I feel like I’m missing something. Were you guys dating or something?” Charlie butts in. Both Dean and Jo shakes their heads and say their own versions of ‘no’.

“Dean kissed me at the party, but I think we both realized we’re not really a good fit,” Jo adds, looking at Dean and then darting her eyes over to Cas. Dean fights the blush he can feel climbing up his cheeks. Fortunately their attention is turned to Adam who slides in between Jo and Charlie at the table.

As they talk the conversation turns toward needing to all hang out together.

“There’s this old abandoned schoolhouse near my house. It’s pretty secluded. We could claim it as our own,” Cas suggests, shrugging his shoulders.

“That sounds creepy,” Jo replies. “And spider-y.”

“I think it could be cool,” Dean disagrees as he pulls his sandwich out of the bag.

“How old is it? Like, is it completely falling apart?” Adam asks.

Castiel shakes his head. “No. I mean, the outside looks pretty bad, but the inside is better. Floors aren’t collapsing in, roof’s in tact.”

“That sounds pretty rad. No adults, no dick bag teens except for us,” Ash adds.

“I agree with Ash, I think we should at the very least check it out,” Charlie insists, looking back to Jo and Adam.

Jo turns to Chuck, who has yet to say anything. “What do you think?”

Chuck stutters a bit.”Oh, I don’t- I don’t think I’m the right person to ask, I mean, I’m not really, I’m not a good person to ask about things like this.”

“Of course you are. Come on, you’ll be the tie breaker,” Jo reassures.

“Wait, it’s already four to two, how can he be the tie breaker?” Dean questions.

“Don’t put all the pressure on me,” Chuck pleads, giving Charlie a look.

“Okay, okay. No matter what Chuck says, the majority rules we go to the schoolhouse. How about after school today? Castiel can tell us all where to meet and then he’ll lead the way there.”

 

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” Jo asks with a bit of a whine. “I feel like we’ve been walking for hours.”

Dean pulls out his phone and checks the time. “It’s been like ten minutes.”

“Yeah, we’re almost there. You can see the playground through the trees,” Cas reassures, pointing ahead.

“I’m starting to get bad vibes from this place, like if there was a place where serial killer hid his victims bodies, this would be it,” Chuck comments, looking around and over his shoulder. 

Cas chuckles and shakes his head. “I promise. No dead bodies. Besides, it would take a lot of effort to drag a body all the way through here. It’d be much more convenient to, like, just stuff the body in your trunk, drive it to the coast, and put it in a garbage bag filled with rocks so it sinks to the ocean floor.”

“Well, I guess we know who we need to watch out for,” Charlie teases.

“That sounded bad, didn’t it.”

“Only a little,” Dean reassures with a grin.

Castiel would let himself stare at Dean’s lips if they weren’t walking through overgrown forest. 

When they get to the school house the door isn’t as heavy this time. Castiel is able to get it open on his own.

“This isn’t as creepy as I was picturing,” Jo admits as she looks around. “I think the graffiti actually helps.”

The group starts to look at the walls, reading through the various things that have been written over the years. Castiel notices that the bottles aren’t the same ones. Someone else came here. As he looks over the walls again he even sees some new things written, including one about himself.

“‘Castiel takes it up the ass,’ can’t believe I’m already getting a reputation around here,” Cas says as he reads it out, laughing a little in disbelief. 

“Ouch, does it really say that?” Charlie asks as she walks over to Cas.

“‘Ash is a pansy’ Man this one is just bullshit,” Ash says, finding his own piece of anonymous hate.

One by one everyone in the group finds something written about them.

‘Charlie is a bitch’

‘Jo is a stuck up cunt’

‘Chuck’s a fucking coward’

‘Adam has the most punchable face on the planet’

While everyone else is laughing at the absurdity of their insults, Castiel notices that Dean is standing still, staring at the piece of the wall with his name on it. Jo looks over and notices him too.

“Dean, don’t take it too personally. These were probably written by a few drunk assholes who made it their mission to write something bad about everyone in the yearbook. It doesn’t mean anything,” Jo tries to comfort. 

Charlie walks over and reads it while Dean storms out of the schoolhouse. “Wha- that one’s not even that bad, Dean!”

“I’ll go talk to him,” Cas offers, making his way after Dean, leaving the rest of the group to continue looking at the graffiti on the walls.

Dean walks back over to the playground, pulling himself up onto the top of the monkey bars and sitting there. When Cas gets to the monkey bars he struggles to pull himself up on top of them like Dean did.

“Dean, I can’t get up there. Come back down,” Castiel pleads, trying one last time to pull himself up on top of the monkey bars.

“I’m fine where I am.”

Cas sighs and steps back so that he can face Dean. “Do you want me to leave?”

Dean hesitates for a moment, looking Cas in the eye. “No.”

“Dean, you shouldn’t care about what they think. We all know it’s just crap. And even if it wasn’t, who cares?” Castiel tries to reassure him. Dean looks back up at the sky.

“Who cares? Cas you know that’s a load of crap. Reputation is everything in a town this small. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, the fact that people even think it is bad enough,” he replies, his voice raising as he talks. 

Hearing that stings a little, but mostly it makes him angry.

“What’s wrong with people thinking you’re gay?” Cas asks defensively, trying to keep his voice steady. He wants to go off on Dean.

Dean gives Castiel a look like he’s thinking. “Cas, it’s not like that,” he finally says.

“Are you sure it’s not like that? Are you sure that your only problem isn’t the fact that god forbid someone thinks you’re gay? Would you be so upset if someone wrote you were a manwhore, or stupid?” Cas starts to shout. 

“Hey man, don’t take this personally-”

“-I am not taking this personally. I just think maybe you should have a little more respect for people who don’t think the same way you do.”

“People like you? Cas, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, I didn’t realize that- I didn’t know you were- look man, I’m sorry,” Dean apologizes. It’s sincere and Cas knows that, but he can’t find it in himself to let go of his anger.

“Whatever, it’s fine. You basically just told me that who I am is pretty much the worst fucking possible thing you could ever be, but whatever it’s cool,” Castiel replies, shrugging his shoulders and turning to walk away. 

He hears the thud of Dean jumping down from the monkey bars and the rustling of the grass as he runs to catch up with Cas. Dean grabs Castiel’s hand and lightly pulls on it to face Cas towards him. Cas tries to ignore the way holding Dean’s hand makes him feel. 

“Cas, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. But- but I mean, you of all people would be able to understand why it is a bigger deal. I mean obviously there’s a reason we’ve been friends for over a month now and it’s never come up,” Dean says in a soft voice. 

“I suppose you have a point there,” Castiel admits, his scowl fading.

“If we were in a big city, then I wouldn’t care as much, hell I wouldn’t care at all. But in a place where everyone knows everyone, rumors like that can destroy people.  And I don’t care if you are gay. Trust me, I’m not one of those dicks who thinks every gay person is in love with them. You’re still just Cas to me,” Dean reassures with a smile. Castiel smiles back.

“We should probably go back in there before they all come looking for us,” Castiel says after a moment.

“Right.”

When they get back Jo and Charlie are discussing which color of paint would be the best for the walls.

“You guys are going to paint the inside?” Dean asks, raising his eyebrows at Jo.

“Why not? It would cover up all this ugliness, make it our own,” she reasons. 

“I mean, it’s a good idea on paper, but other people still come here. They’d probably refill it with more writing just to be spiteful,” Cas points out.

“We can put a padlock on the door and board up the windows, really go all out,” Charlie suggests. 

Chuck is hesitant towards the idea too. “That sounds like a lot of money and effort just to call this place ours.”

Jo shakes her head. “No I could pay for it, I have tons of money saved up from working at the diner and nothing to spend it on.”

“Uh, college maybe,” Adam offers.

“It’s not like I’d be paying a thousand dollars for supplies. There’s nothing fun in this town, there’s not good places to hang out. This could be our something fun. We could turn this schoolhouse into our own little project and let it be something interesting in our lives.”

Dean crosses his arms and looks around the group. “Alright, let’s put it to a vote. Who thinks we should ‘transform’ this old schoolhouse?”

Charlie, Jo, Castiel, Dean, and Ash all raise their hands.

“Looks like it’s settled. But if we’re gonna start coming here regularly, we’re gonna need to find a way to get our hands on some brewskis,” Ash points out. Dean rolls his eyes as Jo and Castiel laugh at him.

“You seemed to be pretty well stocked at your party, how’d you get all those?” Dean questions.

“I got a buddy who agreed to hook me up with some if I fixed up his arrest record a bit,” Ash admits.

“You hacked into the police records?” Castiel questions with disbelief.

“Yeah, you could say that. I got a way with computers. Only problem is he landed himself back in jail. Completely negated what I did for him, and it wasn’t easy either.”

“Then we’d need fake ids to buy ourselves some, right?” Adam asks. “I’m sure as hell not doing anything like that.”

Jo gives Adam a look. “You couldn’t even if you wanted to, not with that baby face of yours.”

“I guess that probably means I’m out too,” Castiel replies. “Dean looks like he could be old enough, though.”

Dean thinks it over for a second. “Hmm, I mean, I probably could get away with it, and if I did get caught, I don’t think Bobby would be too hard on me even if he had to pick me up from a police station.”

“Didn’t he let you and Sam both have your own beers when we were over for Thanksgiving last year?” Jo points out. “He’d probably just call you an idjit for getting caught and then send you on your way.”

Dean nods his head with a laugh. “Wouldn’t surprise me. So I guess that means I can cover beer. But where are we even gonna get fake ids?”

“I could get one made for you. Anyone else want one?” He offers.

“You’re just gonna give out fake ids?” Charlie asks incredulously.

“I mean, if anyone else wants to help Dean. 

Charlie points to Chuck. “He could pass for late twenties.”

“Hey! I do not look that old,” Chuck replies defensively. 

“You kinda do. Letting your facial hair grow out doesn’t help your case,” Castiel agrees. 

“You really think I could pull it off?” Chuck asks nervously.

“I think so. You just gotta act confident,” Jo says reassuringly. 

Chuck sighs but agrees to do it. 

“I can have those ready tomorrow, I’ll give them to you during lunch and then after school you guys can go to the next town over and pick up some beer.”

“Cas can come with me to get some things from the hardware store after school too, and then we can all meet up here and get to work,” Jo adds with a smile. 


	5. Periwinkle

As Jo and Castiel walk around the hardware store, she immediately pries Cas for the details about what he and Dean talked about yesterday.

“Is that the only reason you wanted me to come with you?” Castiel questions.

Jo rolls her eyes at him. “Of course not. You’re my friend. Getting you to spill some gossip is only part of the reason.”

Castiel rolls his eyes at her as they walk towards the back of the store where the paint is kept. They decide on periwinkle.

“So come on, spill. Tell me what you guys talked about. We couldn’t hear what you were saying, but we could definitely hear you yelling,” Jo continues to pester.

“It’s really not that big of a deal. I blew up at him because he, well, he implied that people thinking he’s gay is just about the worst thing possible.”

“Is that all?” 

Castiel sighs and looks around his shoulders to make sure no one is around. “I also happened to share that it was especially hurtful because, I’m, y’know.” 

“Honesty I kind of figured. You don’t really talk about girls and when you declined a dance with me my suspicion was definitely raised. I also see the way you look at him,” she adds as they make their way to the help counter to see about getting a lock made for the schoolhouse. 

After getting everything they came for as well as a few keys to the lock, they make their way to the exit of the store.

“Am I really that obvious?” Castiel asks. “I know sometimes I have to keep myself from staring, but it’s not like I spend every second with him drooling over him.”

“You kinda do. And the way you rushed to him when he had a freakout in the cafeteria. I mean, you didn’t see anyone else running after him the way you did,” Jo points out. They make their way down the street to the edge of the town where the forest starts. When they’re out of earshot to any potential eavesdropper, Castiel continues the conversation.

“You think Dean’s noticed any of it?” Castiel questions nervously.

Jo shakes her head. “No, I don’t think so. Dean is pretty oblivious about those kinds of things. And, if I’m being honest, I notice him looking at you the same way.”

Castiel freezes and turns to face Jo, his heart beginning to race in his chest. No, there was no way that Dean could have any kind of feeling towards Cas. Yesterday he’d been adamant about the fact that he wasn’t gay. Well, no wait, he’d only been freaked out about people thinking he was. Maybe there was a chance Dean really did feel the same way?

“Cas? Say something.”

“You-you really think that? I mean, maybe you’re just seeing it wrong. Yesterday he made it very clear that he wasn’t gay,” Castiel replies, trying to crush any bits of hope his brain was starting to sprout. 

“There are more sexualities than just gay, y’know. Cas, listen, I don’t want to tell you that Dean one hundred percent has feelings for you, because if it turns out i’m wrong then I’m the biggest dick on the planet. But I really do think that he doesn’t just see you as a friend. I mean, think about how protective he was being over you at the party. He didn’t give a second thought to how much I was drinking or whether or not my ride was safe, his priority was you,” Jo replies as they start walking again.

Castiel doesn’t say anything else for a while. As they’re approaching the playground Cas makes Jo promise not to mention anything to Dean. Of course, she gives Castiel her word that she won’t say anything to him. 

When they get inside the schoolhouse, Charlie and Adam are already there, sweeping out the dirt from the floor and brushing away cobwebs forming in the corners of the room. 

“So we’re ready for paint? I hope you guys aren’t wearing clothes you care about,” Jo says as she sets down the bag she’s holding and one of the can’s of paint. Castiel places the other one next to it, shaking his now-cramping hand out for a moment.

Adam looks down at his jacket and shoes. “These are both new.”

“Well then take them off, you baby,” Jo replies, rolling her eyes. 

After popping the lid off the paint they each grab a brush and start painting over the walls of the schoolhouse. They’re almost finished with the wall the door is on when Dean, Ash, and Chuck show up. 

“We got two six packs and some snacks,” Dean announces as he walks into the schoolhouse, looking at the mostly painted wall. “Color looks nice.”

“Castiel picked it out,” Jo informs him with the slightest hint of a smirk. Cas gives her a look when Dean isn’t paying attention. “We also got some stuff you can put on the door so that it locks.”

Dean picks up the bag and looks through it. “Ash and I can get started on it. Chuck, you wanna help out or grab a paintbrush?”

“I think I’ll probably just get in your way,” Chuck admits as he picks up an extra paintbrush from the ground. 

With the door shut so that Ash and Dean can screw the latch across the door frame, the other five continue painting the walls. After about fifteen minutes, Ash and Dean have the lock in place and come back inside to help out with painting. 

 

“This looks a whole lot better,” Ash comments as he looks around. 

“Yeah, purple on the walls is a lot more inviting than teenage bullshit graffiti,” Dean agrees. 

“It’s periwinkle, actually,” Castiel corrects in a fake, snobby voice, earning him a laugh from Jo and Charlie. Dean also cracks a small smile. 

“Periwinkle my ass. It’s still just purple.” 

“No, it’s periwinkle, it’s lighter and bluer than other purples, hence the different name,” Castiel argues, gesturing to the four painted walls that surround them. 

“But periwinkle is still just a type of purple.”

“Are you guys seriously arguing over what the name of the color is?” Ash interrupts, giving the two a look.

Castiel shakes his head. “No, this is more serious than that. Periwinkle isn’t the same as purple and doesn’t deserve to be unfairly categorized under that label.”

“Purple is the parent term for all related pigments, therefor calling periwinkle purple is correct,” Dean insists, grinning as he fights a fit of laughter.

Castiel walks over to the paint bucket and dips his finger in, then moves closer to Dean and puts his finger right in front of Dean’s eyes.

“Do you see this? This. Is. Periwinkle.”

“Purple.”

Castiel tries his best not to let his lips pull into a smile. “Periwinkle.”

“Purple.”

Suddenly Cas wipes his finger on the tip of Dean’s nose. Dean stands there in shock for a moment while Castiel begins to laugh.

“Oh you are so gonna live to regret that.”

Dean quickly rips the paintbrush from Cas’s hand, dips it into the paint bucket and then flings it in his direction. Castiel gasps and Jo shrieks from behind, getting covered in drops of paint as well. The result is splatters across Castiel’s face, shirt, and hair. 

Jo runs to the paint bucket and dips her brush in and flings it at Dean. It goes across Dean’s shirt and hits Charlie and Adam as well. Charlie grins as she grabs the second paint bucket and dips her hand in, throwing paint in Castiel, Jo, and Ash’s direction.

“I don’t want to be a part of this!” Chuck shouts as he runs for the door.

Adam follows Chuck while pleading with the rest of the group to stop until he’s out of the room. As soon as the door is shut behind the two, Ash yells “game on!” and the paint is being flung across the room again. Castiel runs for the bucket in front of him, mimicking Charlie and using his hand to throw paint at Dean. 

Dean runs over to Charlie and dips his paintbrush in, coating Castiel in a new layer of paint splatter as he jerks the brush forward. When Charlie’s bucket is empty Dean runs over to Cas and tries to pull the bucket from his hand.

“Hey, this is our bucket, you guys already used up yours,” Castiel shouts as he tries to keep his grip on the bucket. 

Dean tugs hard, trying to free it from Cas’s grip as he yells back, “You gotta play dirty to win.”

After another tug from Dean they each end up with one hand holding opposite rims of the bucket. Cas places his other hand on the handle and continues to pull. 

“Cas, if Dean let’s go,” Jo starts to warn Cas, but it’s too late. Dean’s fingers slip from the bucket and Castiel’s hands fly back towards him, flinging the contents of the paint onto him from head to toe. Charlie, Jo, and Ash all gasp while Dean mutters “oh shit” as he watches the paint drip down Cas. 

Castiel just stands there in shock, still holding the paint can up in front of his face. No one says anything until Cas’s shoulders start to shake with laughter. Soon all five are cracking up in the schoolhouse.

“Oh, ew, it’s starting to get in my mouth. Someone hand me something to wipe my face off with,” Castiel says while still laughing.

“Uh, Dean, what about your shirt?” Jo offers.

Dean feels his heart start hammering away in his chest and his palms begin to sweat as his smile drops.

“Oh, uh, but, this shirt is, well it’s,” Dean stammers. His shirt was already covered in paint, he couldn’t use not wanting it to get ruined as an excuse. 

“Dean please, I think it’s starting to get in my eyes,” Castiel whines.

Jo gives Dean a questioning look. “What, don’t tell me you’re insecure about your body.”

“I’m just, I’m not comfortable with that. Why don’t you give him your shirt?”

Jo points to her chest. “Two reasons.”

“Jesus, here Cas, you can use my shirt,” Charlie interrupts, rolling her eyes at the two as she peels her shirt off her body. Both Ash and Dean turn away, Dean feeling his face get hot as he blushes.

“Thank you, Charlie,” Castiel replies as he wipes his face off. Despite taking the excess off, periwinkle streaks cover his face and stain his eyelashes. Castiel blinks a few times to keep his eyelashes from drying together. 

“I’m gonna need to take like a hundred showers to get this all off my skin. Ugh and my hair, it’s never gonna come out,” Castiel complains as he wipes his arms and neck off as well. “Sorry about your shirt,” he adds, awkwardly handing it back to her.

Charlie shakes her head as she takes the shirt and puts it back on. “Don’t worry about it, you made it cooler.” 

In the center is a purple and slightly distorted imprint of Cas’s face. 

“I suppose I did,” Castiel agrees with a small grin as he looks her shirt over.

“Speaking of making things look cooler, look what we did to the floor,” Ash interrupts, pointing to the floor that is now covered with asymmetrical splatter designs as well as a large blob from where the paint was dumped on Cas.

Dean nods his head in agreement. “This is definitely turning out better than I expected.”

 

Since the paint is still drying, the group all hangs out on the playground, Jo, Ash and Adam sitting on the roundabout and gently spinning it in circles with their feet, Chuck sitting at the top of the slide, and Dean, Charlie and Cas sitting on top of the monkey bars. 

“One of you should toss me a beer,” Dean says after they’ve all settled into their respective places.

Jo rolls her eyes at Dean. “Maybe you should have grabbed one before you climbed up there.”

“If I had grabbed one before I wouldn’t have been able to get up here,” Dean replies. 

“That sounds like a personal problem,” Jo teases while shrugging her shoulders.

“Come on please,” Dean pleads, giving her a desperate pair of puppy dog eyes. 

Jo sighs as she gets up and walks to where the drinks and snacks are resting on the ground.

“While you’re up you should get me one too,” Charlie adds.

“Hey me too,” Adam chimes in. 

Jo turns around and glares at the two. “When did this become ‘Jo caters towards everyone else’s needs’?”

“She’s up here though. If you get Dean one it would only be fair that you get Charlie one too,” Castiel points out. 

“Adam can get you one while he’s up and getting his own,” Jo replies, walking back over to the monkey bars and tossing the can up to Dean.

“Hey, so what’s everyone doing for Thanksgiving?” Castiel asks suddenly. 

“I’m going out of town to see family,” Charlie answers.

“Me too,” Chuck says.

Ash sighs before answering. “I get to sit in a small house crammed full with cousins a decade younger than me and relatives who ask too many personal questions.”

“Why do you ask?” Dean questions, looking over to Cas.

Castiel shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. “Oh, I was just wondering. My dad’s gonna be out of town for work, leaving just me and Gabriel alone. Not sure what Gabe’s doing but he hasn’t mentioned anything to me.”

“Well, we usually go over to Jo’s and have dinner with her and her mom. I don’t think she’d mind if we dragged you along with us,” Dean offers, looking over to Jo.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’d be okay with it. We’d just have to find a way to fit six people at a four person table, maybe two of us can share a chair,” she adds, letting her eyes drift over to Castiel at the last part. 

“At least none of you will be forced to sit at the kid’s table,” Adam butts in with a sigh. 

 

When Dean gets home Sam and Bobby are at the kitchen table with a half eaten pizza between them.

“Woah, what happened to you?” Sam asks as Dean takes a seat at the table and grabs a slice of pizza.

“Ah, me and me friends are fixing up an old schoolhouse to hang out at and we painted it today. Thing got a little out of hand,” Dean answers with a hint of a smile on his face.

“Were you hanging out with that new kid again?” Bobby asks.

“Cas? Yeah. Why do you ask?”

Bobby shrugs his shoulders a bit before answering. “No reason in particular. When I was getting groceries I ran into his dad. Tried to make some friendly conversation. He acted like he was too good for the likes of me.”

“He sounds like a pretty big douche from what Cas has told me. He can’t even be bothered to be home for Thanksgiving. Which reminds me, Jo and I invited him to Thanksgiving dinner at her house.”

“And Ellen is okay with that?”

Dean nods his head. “Yeah, Jo said she doesn’t think that she would mind.”

“Well then I look forward to meeting your new friend,” Bobby replies. 

Sam huffs a bit at that. “How come Dean can invite his friend over but I can’t invite Barry over?”

“Sam don’t get all fussy with me over this. Your friend has a family of his own to spend the holiday with,” Bobby lightly scolds. 

“Hey Sammy cheer up. Maybe I can spend the night at a friends this weekend and you can invite him over to hang out, how’s that sound?”

“I got no problem with that,” Bobby agrees. 

Sam folds his arms and sinks into his chair before finally agreeing. 

“I’ll even take you to the coast tomorrow and we can look for some more sea glass to add to your collection,” Dean adds, grabbing a second piece of pizza.

Sam cracks a small smile. “Okay, I guess.”

“Well, I got some homework to do, so I’m gonna finish eating in my room,” Dean says as he gets up from the table.

When he gets to his room he pulls out his phone and texts Cas.

_ Hey, I promised my brother I’d get out of the house so he can have a friend spend the night. Any chance I could crash at your place Friday night? _

After he sends the text he sets his phone on his desk and gets out his math textbook and starts working through the problems due tomorrow. He’s done with the first three when his phone pings.

_ That should be fine. My dad’s gonna be out of town this weekend anyway. _

Dean sets his phone back down and starts the next problems when his phone chimes again.

_ Maybe we can all go see a movie and then spend the night at my house after. Like, the whole group. _

Dean tries not to read too much into the text, but part of him worries that Cas wants to invite the whole group over because he doesn’t want to hang out with just Dean. 

_ Sounds like a plan. _

Dean switches his phone to ‘do not disturb’ and tries to focus on his homework. Maybe Cas is still hurt by what Dean said on the playground. Dean pushes the thought away, but still anxiety starts to pester him, making his chest feel a little tighter. 

When he finally finishes his work he heads to the bathroom to wash all the paint off of his face and out of his hair. 

 

“Why the hell is the bathtub stained  _ purple _ ?” Castiel’s dad asks as he walks into Cas’s room.

“Huh? Oh, I-uh, I was, uh. Me and my friends were messing around and I got covered with paint in the process. I guess when I was showering it stuck to the tub,” he explains, looking up from his book. He fights a smile and the urge to correct his dad on calling it purple.

“Do you know how much that bathtub costs? You’ve just ruined it!” His dad replies, raising his voice.

Castiel sits up straighter and sets his book down next to him. “Dad, don’t worry. It’ll come out.”

“You’d better pray that it does. Come on, get up. You’re scrubbing it until it’s white again.”

Cas sighs and gets off his bed slowly. He knows there’s no use trying to fight his Dad on this one. 

When he gets to the bathroom he pulls out a bottle of Clorox from under the sink and starts spraying it around the base of the tub, which has a faint periwinkle film around it. While it sits, he goes downstairs and grabs the scouring sponge. Gabriel is pulling a pizza out of the oven.

“You want some?” He asks as he sets the baking pan on top of the stove.

“Sure. Just leave whatever you don’t finish and I’ll have it later,” Cas agrees.

“Are you cleaning something?”

Castiel nods. “I have to scrub the bathtub.”

“Did you piss Dad off or something?”

“Yeah, I accidentally stained the tub.”

“Doing what?” Gabriel asks while looking through the drawers for the pizza cutter.

“I was covered in paint, when I showered it stuck to the porcelain,” Cas explains.

“How’d you manage that?”

Cas shrugs his shoulders and grins softly. “Oh, Dean and I started a paint war and when we were trying to get one of the paint buckets from each other I accidentally flung it all over myself.”

Gabriel raises an eyebrow at Castiel but doesn’t say anything else in response until Castiel comes back downstairs when he’s finished cleaning.

“So you and Dean started a ‘paint war’? How?”

“My friends and I were painting over the graffiti in the schoolhouse, and Dean was saying he liked the color, but he called it purple instead of periwinkle and I jokingly corrected him and we argued back and forth until I wiped some paint onto his nose and it escalated,” Castiel answers, chuckling to himself softly. 

Gabe stares at Cas with a sort of knowing look.

“What?”

“Nothing. It just, well to me, that kinda sounds like flirting,” he admits, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. Castiel immediately turns red. 

“It was not, we weren’t, we were just messing around. It  _ wasn’t _ flirting,” Cas insists, suddenly feeling flustered.

“What wasn’t flirting?” Their dad asks suddenly. 

Castiel whips his head around to see his dad walking into the kitchen. 

“Nothing, it was just, we were talking about my friend Jo. Gabriel is convinced I like her,” Castiel lies, feeling his stomach begin to twist in knots.

“Do you?” He questions. Castiel starts to deny it, but pauses when he realizes that his dad thinking he’s interested in a girl might not be the worst thing in the world.

“Kinda, I think. I mean, I’ve only known her for a few weeks.”

Castiel’s dad looks him over for a moment. “Maybe you’ll be bringing her over for dinner in the future. Did you get that bathtub clean?”

“Yeah. It came off easily.”

“Good. Well, I’m headed to bed, gotta be on the road early tomorrow,” he says, turning to walk to the stairs.

“You won’t be home ‘till Sunday afternoon, right?” Cas asks.

“Yes. Why do you ask?” 

Castiel shrugs. “Just wondering.”

“I’ll leave my card on the counter if you need it. Just remember not to go over the limit. Goodnight boys. I love you.”

The ‘I love you’ feels alien on Cas’s ears. His dad rarely said it to them. When he hears his dad close the bedroom door upstairs he lets out a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding in. 

“Jeez, that was close,” Castiel says softly. 


	6. Farkle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who completely forgot to update like the trash she is :^)

“I think the new Thor is showing at the theater. If we go to an earlier showing it probably won’t be too crowded,” Charlie says as the group sets their stuff down on the floor of the entertainment room in the basement of Cas’s house. It’s filled with two couches against opposite walls, one a larger ‘L’ shape, with a large coffee table between them and an entertainment center and tv along the far wall.

Jo pulls her phone from her back pocket. “I’ll look up showtimes.”

“We should go to one of the earlier ones, it’ll probably have less obnoxious young people,” Castiel points out as Jo types into her phone.

“Obnoxious young people like us?” Charlie questions while raising an eyebrow.

Castiel waves his hand dismissively at her. “No, we’re good, respectful teenagers.”

“Hmm, there’s a showing starting in half an hour. The next one is 6:15 and then one more at 8:45,” Jo says as she reads off showtimes.

“We should go to the 6:15 one. We can get dinner before,” Chuck suggests. 

Adam nods his head in agreement. “That would save a lot on concessions.”

“But filling up on popcorn during the commercials is half the fun,” Dean complains, sitting down on one of the couches. Jo plops down next to him.

“Is there anything you won’t whine about?” She teases. 

“What are we gonna do in the meantime?” Ash asks as he sits down on the other couch.

Cas shrugs his shoulders. “We have board games.”

“Cas, I love you, but that’s kinda lame,” Charlie replies. “What about tv or something?”

“I don’t think the tv is hooked up. We don’t really watch tv down here since there’s one upstairs,” Cas explains as he walks over to the entertainment center and looks behind the tv. “Yeah none of this is plugged in.”

“It’s really not that hard to plug it all in,” Charlie replies, walking over next to Cas. 

“If you want to, be my guest. I’m gonna go upstairs and see which games we have, which for the record, are not nearly as lame as just sitting on the couches and watching tv,” Castiel says as he turns to walk to the tv. 

Dean gets up from the couch suddenly. “I’ll help, if you want.”

“What, you think I’m not strong enough to carry some games by myself?” Castiel questions with mock offense in his voice. 

“Bingo.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes and chuckles as the two walk up the stairs. Gabriel is laying on the couch in the living room and watching tv. He turns his head briefly to look at them before looking back at the tv. Cas notices Dean staring at him nervously. 

“We keep the games in the closet by the front door,” Cas says as he walks toward the front room.

“Isn’t that where you’re supposed to keep, like, coats and shoes and umbrellas and shit?” Dean asks as Cas opens the closet door. 

“My mom was always strict about us keeping our coats in our rooms so she could use the coat closet for storage. I guess the habit still stuck when we moved,” Castiel admits as he pulls  _ Clue _ from the top of the pile of games. He hands it to Dean and then reaches for  _ Sorry! _

“Were you two close?”

“Yeah, we were before… well, there was an accident and afterwards she kinda became distant.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you’re uncomfortable,” Dean reassures as  _ Sorry! _ is added to his arms. Cas doesn’t say anything but nods his head. 

“Y’know, I lost my mom, too. There was a gas leak or something and she ended up dying in a fire. My dad wasn’t the same after losing her. Spent all his time in bars or on the road, trying to run away from it. I actually live with my Uncle because he became so distant. So, I guess what I’m saying is, I get it,” Dean adds as Cas grabs one last game,  _ Farkle _ . 

“Thank you. For sharing that I mean. In a strange way, it kinda makes me feel better to hear that you’ve gone through and overcome similar circumstances.”

“Anytime,” Dean replies with a smile. 

The two walk back down the stairs with the games in hand. The tv is playing an episode of  _ Forensic Files _ . 

“What games did you get?” Jo asks as the two walk into the entertainment room. 

“ _ Clue _ ,  _ Sorry! _ and  _ Farkle _ ,” Cas answers, helping Dean put the games down on the coffee table in the center of the room.

“ _ Farkle _ ? What the hell is that?” Ash asks, looking away from the tv.

“It sound weird, but it’s actually a really fun game. It’s similar to  _ Yahtzee _ I think. You roll the six dice in the cup and try to get to ten thousand points first. On your first turn you have to score a certain number of points to be added to the scoreboard and if on your turn you fail to get a good roll, you ‘farkle’. It’s hard to explain without showing you,” Castiel says.

“I think it sounds like fun,” Dean replies, picking up the  _ Farkle _ cup and pulling the lid off. 

After a little more convincing, Cas gets the group to sit around the coffee table as he continues to go over the rules. 

 

“Okay, so right now how have three hundred and fifty points, but if you roll the other two dice and get a one or five you get to reroll all the dice. You wanna roll them?” Castiel asks as Chuck looks over the dice on the coffee table. 

“Ah fuck it. I’m already in last place.” 

He rerolls the two dice which miraculously land on a one and a five. 

“Hell yeah!” Chuck cheers as he scoops the dice into his hand and rolls them all again. He gets two fives and a one. “Alright, I think I’m just gonna take the extra two hundred.”

“That puts you up in third place, right behind Dean and then me.”

“Are you sure you’re not cheating and writing the scores wrong so you’re in first?” Dean asks as he looks over to the sheet of paper Castiel is writing on. 

“I swear I’m being honest. I guess I’m just better than the rest of you at this,” Castiel replies as he shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head to one side. 

Dean playfully pushes on Cas’s shoulders. “Whatever, I’m only a few hundred behind you.”

The game ends in shouting as Dean racks up over seven thousand points in one turn, pushing him well over the ten thousand to end the game. 

“Damn it! I was so close to ten thousand. I would’ve had it, too, if I hadn’t Farkled my last turn,” Castiel complains as Dean places the dice back into the cup. 

“Woulda, coulda, shoulda,” Dean replies with a grin on his face.

Castiel rolls his eyes. “Whatever, that was just beginners luck.”

“If we’re gonna get dinner before the movie we should probably leave now,” Ash interrupts as he looks at his phone.

“When we get back, we’re playing again and I’m gonna destroy you,” Castiel jokingly warns as he stands up. The rest of the group follows and they walk up to the door. Gabe is still in the living room.

“Hey, Gabriel, we’re all gonna go see  _ Ragnarok _ . You wanna come with us?” Castiel offers.

“Nah, I’m good here,” Gabriel answers without turning to face Cas.

“You think we can all fit in my car?” Dean asks as they walk through the front door.

“I mean, we could, but we shouldn’t risk it. We can take my car too,” Charlie replies, taking her keys out of her jacket pocket.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Who’s going with who?”

“I’ll go with Charlie,” Chuck offers first. “No offense, Dean, but I trust her driving more.”

“Ouch. I didn’t want you anyway,” Dean teases. 

“I’ll go with her too,” Ash adds, walking towards her car.

“Guess that leaves Cas, Jo and Adam with me. Adam, I’ve already made this abundantly clear to Jo and Cas, but you better not leave a single mark anywhere on my baby,” Dean warns as he unlocks his Impala.

“It’s just a car,” Adam replies defensively as he opens the back door. 

Dean looks physically hurt. “She is  _ not _ just a car!”

Castiel fights back laughter as he pulls open the passenger door. When he sits down he’s overwhelmed by the smell of leather and Dean. He can’t quite put his finger on exactly what Dean smells like, but it’s entirely comforting. 

Dean follows Charlie to a small pizzeria at the end of a short strip mall. The theater is just two buildings over. When they get inside, Charlie, Ash, Chuck and Adam claim a booth while Jo, Dean and Castiel go up to the corner and order. 

“I’ll pay for it,” Castiel offers as the total for two pizzas and a 2 liter of coke is displayed on the screen from the register. 

“Are you sure? I can split the cost with you,” Dean offers, reaching for his wallet.

“No it’s fine. I insist. My dad left his card for us. As long as I don’t go over the limit he doesn’t care what Gabriel and I spend it on,” Castiel reassures, pulling the card from the zippered pocket on the inside of his coat. 

“Just how big is the limit?” Dean questions, picking up the small stack of plastic cups and bottle of soda from the counter.

Castiel shrugs his shoulders and swipes the card. “I probably shouldn’t say. It might be rude.”

Dean scoffs a little in disbelief. “Wish I had ‘it might be rude’ levels of disposable income.” 

“Yeah seriously, just the way you said it has me feeling insecure about how much is in my savings,” Jo adds with a small laugh. 

“I mean, it’s not like we end up spending that much. Gabe and I really only use it to buy food,” Cas explains as he puts his card back in his pocket. The three walk over to the end of the counter to wait for their pizzas. 

“Still, the fact that you  _ could _ buy whatever you wanted whenever,” Dean starts to say. Two pans are placed on the counter as Cas’s name is called before he can continue. Jo and Castiel each grab one and the three make there way over to the booth. It’s not that big, and Dean and Cas end up pressed against each other with Jo and Adam on the end and Ash, Charlie and Chuck on the other side of the table. 

Castiel tries to ignore the way his heart races as the warmth of Dean’s arm and leg practically burn Cas. He can barely focus on eating his pizza. 

“You okay, Cas?” Charlie asks. Cas looks up to see that everyone else is finishing their first piece or starting a second while Cas has only managed a few bites of his own.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Just not all that hungry,” he lies while shrugging his shoulders. 

“Really? It’s been like six hours since lunch and I didn’t see you eat anything at your house,” Jo adds, leaning her head forward to see past Dean.

Castiel takes an excessively large bite from his pizza. “See? I’m fine.” And mostly he is, but the way it feels like Dean is intentionally pressing his thigh against Cas’s own is almost debilitating. 

 

“That. Was. So. Good!” Adam exclaims as they exit the theatre. 

“Chris Hemsworth is a national treasure,” Jo agrees. 

“I think I would’ve like it a lot more if I had seen any of the other movies,” Dean admits with a shrug.

Castiel lets out a small gasp. “What?! You haven’t seen any of the other Marvel movies?”

“Mmm, I think I watched Iron Man 3 when it came out but I don’t really remember much of it,” Dean replies. 

“You have to watch all the others. I have all of the movies. You could probably get caught up in a few days if we binge watch them all,” Castiel says as they make their way down the sidewalk.

“You didn’t have to watch all of them to understand what was going on. I mean maybe the Hulk scene would’ve been cooler if you’d seen Ultron, but ultimately the plot stands alone,” Charlie points out.

“It’s not that I didn’t understand what was going on, I just wasn’t as invested in the characters,” Dean says. 

“Well we’ll fix that once you watch all the other movies.”

“Sounds like you’re not giving me much of a choice,” Dean replies with a small smile.

Castiel shakes his head. “Nope.” 

When they get back to Cas’s house Dean helps Cas bring down an old blow up mattress from the garage. As the electric pump fills it up, Cas heads upstairs to change. When he gets back downstairs wearing a white undershirt and some flannel pajama pants, everyone else is discussing sleeping arrangements. Castiel finds it a bit odd that Dean has changed out of his flannel shirt and into a hoodie since the basement is actually a little warm, but his attention is quickly pulled to the conversation going on.

“Charlie and I call the blow up mattress,” Jo announces, laying down on it before anyone can object.  

“Each of the couches can recline on the end, so the ‘L’ shaped one can probably fit three people,” Cas explains, walking to one of the couches and pulling the lever to flip the leg rest out. 

After a few minutes everyone is situated and the tv is playing  _ Forensic Files _ once again. Cas can’t help but feel a little disappointed that he and Dean end up on different couches. 

“Is this really a good show to be watching right before we go to sleep?” Adam asks with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“Eh, it’s not like we’re going to bed right away,” Dean replies.

“Speak for yourself, I’m already dozing off,” Charlie says from the floor. 

“Yeah I’m getting pretty tired too,” Cas admits, yawning as he talks. 

“It’s not even nine yet. You guys are lightweights,” Jo teases. 

The conversation continues but Castiel doesn’t really pay attention, letting his eyes close. When he opens them again, light is filtering in through the window well. He blinks a few times in confusion as he looks around. Everyone else is still sleeping, except for Charlie who is no longer downstairs. Cas slowly gets up from the couch, his joints popping a few times in the process. 

When he gets upstairs to the kitchen he finds Charlie looking through the fridge.

“Oh hey, you’re up. I was just looking for something for breakfast,” Charlie explains as she closes the fridge and walks over to the pantry.

Cas hums as he thinks. “We have eggs, and bacon in the freezer. I think we also have bread for toast.”

“You wanna just make breakfast for everyone? They’ll probably be waking up soon anyway,” Charlie suggests, taking a loaf of bread from one of the pantry shelves. 

“Sure, why not?” 

Castiel grabs the package of bacon from the freezer and places it in the sink, filling it up with warm water. He then grabs a pan from under the sink while Charlie gets the carton of eggs and a stick of butter.

“You want egg duty or toast?” She asks as she sets them down on the counter next to the stove. 

“I’ll do toast. I’d probably ruin the eggs,” Castiel replies, looking through the cabinets for the toaster.

“Where is the salt and pepper?” Charlie asks as she lights the stove and places the pan on top.

Castiel points to the cabinet to the left of the stove. “Right next to you in the spice cabinet.”

As Cas starts toasting bread and Charlie cooks the eggs, she makes light conversation.

“So you feelin’ better today?”

“What do you mean?”

Charlie shrugs her shoulders. “Something was clearly up yesterday at the pizza place.”

“I’m fine. There’s nothing going on,” Castiel insists nonchalantly. 

“Is everything okay with Dean?”

Castiel turns to look at her for a moment before focusing his attention on the toaster again.

“Why do you ask?”

“It just seems like you act differently around him then when you and I are hanging out,” She explains, stirring the eggs a bit.

“Why does everyone think there’s something going on between him and I?” He questions defensively.

“What do you mean everyone?”

Castiel crosses his arms and leans on the counter before sighing. “Jo said that I’m pretty obvious about liking him. And I told my brother that, I, well I kinda like him. And then he told me that the whole paint thing was us flirting.”

“I don’t think you’re that obvious about it. Maybe girls are just better at picking up on it. So you do like him?”

“I don’t know, yeah? A little. The more I hang out with him and get to know him the more I feel an attraction to him. But I doubt he’d be feeling the same way towards me,” Cas explains, jumping a bit as the first two slices of toast pop up from the toaster. 

“Yeah, Dean seems kinda complicated in that way.”

The two don’t say much more as they each finish preparing their own foods. When they’re done, they place the food onto a cookie sheet lined with aluminum foil, then put the tray into the small warming drawer below the stove. 

“The bacon should be thawed enough to cook,” Castiel says as he pulls the package out of the water. Charlie takes the package from Cas and opens it, placing a few strips of bacon onto the still hot pan. 

“Y’know, Cas, I think you should wait a little longer, feel how things between you two go, and then consider telling him how you feel. Even if Dean doesn’t feel the same way, I don’t think he’s the kinda person to let a revelation like that ruin your friendship,” Charlie says as she flips the bacon over.

“I don’t know if I’d be able to handle still being his friend after telling him something like that if he doesn’t feel the same way. It’d just be so awkward,” Castiel replies, grabbing a large plate from one of the cabinets and lining it with paper towels. 

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward. And besides, there’s always the chance that he does feel the same way and then everything ends up working out,” Charlie points out, placing the first pieces of bacon onto the plate.

“But what if we go out only to break up? That would destroy a relationship and friendship all at once,” Cas argues, frowning as he imagines that scenario.

“Exes can be friends.”

Castiel laughs at that. “I think the only time exes stay friends are if they have kids together or they both still secretly pine after each other.”

“Then I guess you’d better seduce Dean and convince him to adopt,” she jokes. The two both laugh for a few moments at that.

“Seriously though, there’s just so many things that could go wrong. If I just ignore whatever it is I feel, it increases the likelihood of long lasting friendship and support, and that’s one of the best things a person can have.”

“Not if you have to lie to have it. Listen, nothing is happening right now. Like I said, just give it time,” Charlie reminds him as she flips the new round of bacon strips.

The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs stops the conversation.

“I smelled bacon,” Ash says as he walks into the kitchen. “I’m starving.”

“Lucky for you, we made eggs and toast and we’re in the process of making bacon,” Charlie replies. 

The rest of the group comes up over the next few minutes as Charlie finishes cooking the last of the breakfast. Castiel and Charlie bring the plates of food over to the kitchen table while Ash and Jo help set it. Dean comes up last as Cas grabs a jug of milk and carton of orange juice and sets them both down in the center of the table. 

“Thank you guys for breakfast,” Chuck says in between bites.

“It was no problem,” Charlie reassures as she scoops herself some of the eggs. She hands the plate over to Dean who still hasn’t said anything since coming upstairs. Dean serves himself a small helping of eggs and eats it slowly, glancing over to Castiel a few times as he eats.

Cas notices it and holds Dean’s stare next time he looks up, mouthing the words  _ are you alright _ ? Dean shrugs a little bit. Castiel looks up to the stairs and then back towards Dean.  _ Wanna talk _ ? Dean furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Castiel mouths the words again and Dean quietly ‘oh’s’ in recognition. He then shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders again.

 

When breakfast is finished Dean helps Castiel wash the dishes while everyone else remains at the kitchen table, discussing nothing in particular. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Castiel whispers, his voice just barely louder than the sound of the running water.

Dean nods his head and sighs softly. “Yeah, just felt a little anxious. I’m not usually used to waking up to so much commotion and noise.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sure it was pretty over stimulating then, with seven different people,” Castiel replies sincerely. 

Dean pauses with the plate he’s currently scrubbing and offers Cas a small smile but doesn’t say anything. When the drying rack is filled with dishes Cas and Dean go back to the kitchen and sit down.

“What are you guys talking about?” Dean asks.

“Which Avenger is the best,” Chuck answers. “I was just trying to explain to Charlie that Tony’s abilities are all superficiall and that Captain America is clearly superior.”

“Thor is a literal god, I’m pretty sure he’s the clear winner,” Castiel disagrees.

Dean shakes his head. “The Hulk is indestructible. You can’t top that.”


	7. Azure Abyss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a shorter chapter as I get back into the habit of writing and updating my stories regularly. Also this is relatively unedited so please ignore any mistakes  
> hope y'all enjoy :)

When Dean drives out of the forest and onto the road that parallels the beach, his mood plummets. The beach is filled with a couple dozen people. He shouldn’t be surprised. When he woke up this morning the sun was beating down harshly through his open curtains and the temperature had already hit the mid sixties, despite being mid November. Add that to it being a Sunday and anyone who could was hitting the coast to enjoy the weather. 

Dean continues down the road hoping that as he gets further down there won’t be anymore people. After a few more minutes he finds a spot that hasn’t been infested with other people. After parking in a patch of shade and turning the engine off Dean gets out and takes off his shirt. As he sets it down on the driver’s seat of the impala he looks around once again. If he squints, he can see little dots along the beach where people are. He’s definitely far enough away. 

Dean sheds his pants and his shoes, and starts walking towards the water, enjoying the feeling of the sand displacing underneath his feet. Once he steps into the water he pauses, letting the waves gently lap around his ankles as he stares out into the horizon. As the water recedes Dean takes another step forward. When the next wave dissipates onto the shore of the beach the water reaches the bottom of his calf. He keeps walking forward until the water reaches his waist, letting his hands rest on top of the water. 

He’s hesitant to put his arms in the water. He could probably do it without getting an infection since everything on his arms at least had scabbed over, but there was still a risk. After another moment of consideration Dean goes against his better judgement and puts his hands together before diving under the water’s surface. The cold is a bit of a shock and his arms sting from being submerged, but as he glides forward a few feet, he just feels nice. He’s completely surrounded by the ocean but the ocean is completely empty around him. He’s enveloped by nothingness. Which is a pretty good metaphor for how he’s feeling right about now. 

On the surface, he just feels empty, all emotions buried underneath because frankly, they’re terrifying. There’s anger, so much anger. Anger at his father for abandoning him, anger at Bobby for moving them to a smotheringly small town, anger at Castiel for, for making him confused. And he’s so damn confused, because Cas is amazing and funny and caring and he’s not like anyone else that Dean’s encountered and Dean kinda wants to hold his hand and dance with him, and maybe let their lips touch. But he can’t. Not in this godforsaken town. 

It’s painful to know that he can’t ever have Cas. And there’s so much pain. Pain he can’t deal with which turns into anger. 

Dean emerges from the water and kicks his feet up, floating on his back as he stares up at the sky. Not a single cloud taints the countless miles of blue that stretch above him. He wishes he could be swallowed up into the azure abyss, where he could escape all of this. 

As he floats he tries to ignore all thoughts about Castiel. He hates that they won’t stop coming up. He doesn’t want to hold Cas’s hand, he doesn’t want to dance with him, he doesn’t want to kiss him. He doesn’t like Cas. Dean continues to tell himself this as he drifts on the surface of the water. 

He doesn’t like Castiel. He couldn’t possibly see Cas as anything more than a friend. 

Dean lifts his head up to see how far he’s moved from the shore. His impala looks a little too small for his comfort. He turns onto his stomach and begins to swim towards the beach. When he can stand he falls onto his back again, spreading his arms as he resumes floating with the currents on the beach. While looking back up to the sky he remembers Lisa.

The two had quite literally run into each while Dean was walking to lunch. He’d apologized and tried to continue on his way but Lisa stopped him and made conversation. They ended up standing and talking in the hall for almost half of the lunch period, and Dean thought she was nice enough.

_ I should give her a call. _

Dean stays out in the water for a while longer until his skin starts to feel like it’s getting the beginning of a sunburn and his tongue is dry in his mouth. He then swims back up to shore and walks to his car and grabs a water bottle, chugging half of it down as he sits on the trunk of his car to dry off. Fortunately his impala is still being shaded by the trees of the forest, so the car isn’t too hot to sit on.

When his boxers are damp and his skin is dry, he calls Lisa.

“Hey, this is Dean,” he says a bit awkwardly when she picks up after a few rings. There’s a brief moment of silence.

“Oh right, from lunch period. I was hoping you’d call,” she replies. 

Dean clears his throat as he struggles with his next words. “Hey so, I was thinking, maybe we could grab a bite sometime today, if you’re not busy.”

“Sure, I’d like that. I’ll be spending most of the afternoon with my sister, so anytime after four should work for me.”

“How about five thirty?,” Dean suggests.

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll text you my address.”

When they hang up Dean lets out a small sigh. That was more stressful than it should’ve been. From their conversation on Friday, Dean could tell that Lisa had some level of interest in him, but still asking her out made his heart pound in anxiety. 

When his boxers are almost done drying out Dean pulls his pants and shirt back on and drives back to his house. Traffic is a little heavier than usual. Dean looks down to his radio. The clock says it’s a little after twelve. That explains it, most of the churches went from nine to noon. 

 

“Hey Dean, I have something for you,” Sam says from the kitchen table when Dean walks through the front door.

“Yeah? Let’s see it.” 

Dean makes his way over to the table and sits at one of the chairs. Sam holds up the green piece of sea glass Dean had given him, this time it had been wrapped with wire and connected to a black piece of string. The wire makes various geometrical shapes across the small piece of glass. 

Sam gets up from the table and walks behind Dean. “Here, let me put it on for you.”

“You made this for me?” Dean asks, picking up the piece of glass to eye it closer.

“Mhm. Do you like it?” Sam questions as he finishes tying the ends of string together.

“Of course, Sammy. It’s really nice.” He compliments, looking back up to Sam

He smiles brightly at hearing that. “It was pretty hard, the wire didn’t bend around the glass like I wanted it to at first.”

“I’ll bet, you still did a really good job with this.” Dean can’t help but smile at Sammy’s happy grin. Nothing made him happier than making his little brother happy. “I’m never gonna take this off. That’s how good it is.”

Sam makes a face at Dean. “Now you’re just being mean. Are you lying just to make me feel good? Because I don’t need you to baby me. Just tell me if you hate it.”

“No Sammy, I swear I’m not lying. I’m being honest. I’m never taking the necklace off. I love it,” Dean reassures. Sam looks at Dean doubtfully. 

“Hey, can we watch  _ Ghost Facers _ tonight? I think there’s a new episode airing,” Sam asks as he moves to sit back down in his own chair.

“Mm, probably not. I’m going out tonight. I might not get home until after you’re supposed to be in bed,” Dean answers, looking over to the clock on the stove. He had at least three hours until he needed to start getting ready, although the saltwater residue on his skin wasn’t all that pleasant.

Sam frowns and sighs softly. “Who are you going out with?”

“Lisa Braeden.”

“Is she pretty?”

Dean nods his head. “Yeah, she’s pretty.”

“You have to tell me all about how the date goes tomorrow after school,” Sam says after a moment. “And you also have to watch the new _ Ghost Facers _ with me,” he adds. 

“Deal,” Dean agrees, reaching over to ruffle Sam’s hair lightly.

With that he gets up from the kitchen table and walks into his bedroom, grabbing a fresh change of clothes.

 

“So where are we going?” Lisa asks casually as she pulls the passenger door closed. 

Dean hesitates for a moment. He hadn’t considered that yet. Lisa was dressed in a pair of black jeggings and a red tank top, nothing too fancy. Maybe the diner? Jo might be working tonight, she’d no doubt have more than a few questions at school tomorrow. 

Red Lobster maybe, although that’s a little fancy for a first date in high school. Most everything else was fast food or fancier than they were dressed.

“Dean?” Lisa’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, sorry. Uh, I was thinking maybe the diner, if that’s alright with you,” Dean quickly replies, deciding to take his chances with Jo. 

Lisa hums in agreement. “Yeah, that sounds fine. I actually haven’t been there in a while.”

Fortunately when they enter the diner, he doesn’t see Jo around. Ellen however, raises an eyebrow at Dean as she grabs menus and shows them to one of the booths. Dean’s grateful that she doesn’t mention anything besides their special for the day.

“So, do you come here often?” Lisa inquires as she looks over the menu. “Like, not in a lame pickup line way, I just want menu advice.”

Dean laughs softly, looking up from his own menu with a small smile. “Yeah, a little more than I should. Probably don’t actually need to look at the menu anymore. Burgers, fries, and pies are usually my preferred way to go.”

“A burger does sound good,” Lisa agrees. 

As Dean folds up his own menu and sets it down, his phone chimes. Dean quickly reaches into the pocket of his jeans and pulls it out.

“Sorry, I thought that was silenced,” Dean quickly apologizes as he switches off the ringer. He sees the beginning of a text from Cas on his lock screen before he pushes his phone back into his pocket. He feels guilty for ignoring Castiel, but he also doesn’t want Lisa to think he’s already checked out on the date. 

“So, how was your day? You mentioned you were with your sister,” Dean says, hoping his attempt at small talk is decent enough.

Lisa shrugs her shoulders and sighs. “Oh, it was uh, it was something. She’s getting married in January and she chose me to be her maid of honor. We spent the entire morning and afternoon looking at bridesmaids dresses, and I had to try on every single one she liked. I’m surprised she even settled on one.”

“Ah, that sounds rough. But hey, you got a dress out of it,” Dean replies.

“I don’t know if I’d consider it a silver lining. The dress she chose is horrible. Like, imagine a skirt of army green ruffles and that’s what I get to wear in front of my entire family.”

“Well, I’m sure you rock it anyway,” Dean reassures with a small smile.

Lisa laughs. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to be hearing about this anyway.”

“I don’t mind,” Dean replies with a shrug. 

“Well what about you, how was your day?” 

“Nothin’ that exciting, just hung out at the beach and swam for a bit. I completely forgot sunscreen so I’m probably gonna wake up to a sunburn tomorrow.

“Yeah, you’re already looking a bit pink,” Lisa says with a soft chuckle. It’s cute, the way the laughter flows out of her. Dean opens his mouth to say something else when Ellen comes back to the table to take their order.

 

“You seem to just know all the best places around town,” Lisa comments as they drive to the base of one of the foothills that encloses most of Hali Coast. It’s down a road that’s not all that well known. Unfortunately, Dean’s Impala doesn’t handle most of the bumps all that well. He’d been meaning to replace his shocks, but kept putting it off since most of his driving was on paved roads that he could tolerate. 

 

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not,” Dean replies with a nervous laugh, worrying that driving down this road might’ve been a major night ruiner.

 

Lisa shakes her head. “No, I mean it. All the nice hangout places are too well known, I’ve never been on this road before and I drive along the edges of town all the time. It’s not too bumpy for me, although I do with I’d worn a better bra,” she adds casually. 

 

It throws Dean completely off guard and his cheeks quickly become hot as he stutters out his best attempt at a response. Lisa laughs like Dean’s just said the funniest thing on the planet.

 

“I’m sorry, I’ve kinda gotten into a bad habit of saying things purely for shock value cause it drives my parents insane.”

 

It’s Dean’s turn to laugh.

 

“Well that, uh, that certainly was a little shocking,” Dean admits, looking over to Lisa for a brief second. His eyes unintentionally drift down to her chest for a split second. Dean hopes that in the soft colors of the sunset, Lisa can’t see him blushing again. 

 

The end of the road takes them up to the top of one of the smaller foothills, with a fairly decent view of the coast and the fall foliage of the mountains behind them. Dean isn’t entirely sure why the road leads up here. There are a few bricks in the dirt a few yards for the dirt road that maybe could’ve been the foundation of a house, but other than that, it’s completely untouched. 

 

Lisa gets out of the car and sits on the hood of the car. Dean waits and watches her for a few moments before getting out himself. This would be a nice place to bring Cas. Dean immediately feels angry at himself for thinking that. The whole point of this date was to remind himself that he’s interested in girls and his feelings for Cas are purely platonic. 

 

But instead he’s picturing Castiel leaning back against the hood, his eyes closed as his entire skin is bathed in the orange glow of the sunset, with just the faintest hint of a smile on his face. 

 

Dean pinches the back of his hand with his nails, hoping the pain does something to make his mind shut up, before getting out of the Impala.

 

“I have some blankets in the trunk if you want,” Dean offers as he shuts the car door. 

Lisa nods her head. “Sure.” 

 

With a quilt in his hand, Dean pushes himself up onto the hood next to Lisa, hesitating for a moment before fluffling out the blanket and lifting it over Lisa’s head and onto her shoulders. She smiles at the gesture and grabs the blanket to put it around Dean as well, resting her head on his shoulder after. 

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched the sunset before,” Lisa says as she stares out to the ocean, which has become a kaleidoscope of deep blues and bright oranges as the sun shines across the water. 

 

“Me either. Always busy doing something else.”

 

“It’s nice to be here with you and just relax and enjoy the moment.” Lisa sits up straight as she says this and turns to face Dean more directly. Slowly she pushes her lips against Dean. Dean tentatively kisses her back. It’s a good kiss, but something about it just feels off. 

 

Dean concentrates all of his energy in trying to be a good kisser, and can’t figure out what he’s doing wrong. His heart starts to beat harder as he feels himself beginning to panic. Why the fuck can’t he kiss? Lisa pulls away from him suddenly, staring up at Dean like she’s searching for something.

“Are you okay?” She finally asks, still looking into Dean’s eyes. It’s a bit intimidating, like he’s being stared down. 

 

“Yean, no, I’m fine, I just, I guess my kissing’s gotten kinda rusty. I started to panic,” he admits, shrugging his shoulders to play it off as nothing, when in reality he’s fighting back a full blown panic attack. Over a kiss. His arms start to itch.

 

Lisa raises her eyebrows at that but doesn’t say anything, instead resting her head back on Dean’s shoulder. They stay like that until sea engulfs sun.


End file.
